Liquify me

:)

2009-10-25T15:49:00.000+08:00

Breathe in for luck.
Breathe in so deep.
This air is blessed, you share with me.
This night is wild, so calm and dull.
These hearts, they race, from self-control.
Your legs are smooth, as they graze mine.
We're doing fine.
We're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me?
So I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.

The words are hushed, "let's not get busted."
Just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"Hey did you get some?"
Man that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close, they can't hear.
So we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me?
So I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember.
Always remember the sound of the stereo.
The dim of the soft lights.
The scent of your hair, that you twirled in your fingers.
And the time on the clock, when we realized "It's so late!"
And this walk that we share together.
The streets were wet, and the gate was locked,
So I jumped it, and let you in.
And you stood at the door, with your hands on my waist.
And you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew...that you meant it.

Summer Vacation

2009-04-04T17:21:00.000+08:00

I am in need of a summer vacation.

Not because I'm busy. Actually it's because I'm not busy.

I keep sleeping around the house, not doing anything productive. I need to go out and restore my energy and will to live life.

So please, text me. I am more than happy to accomodate gimiks. As long as my budget can stretch the prices and it doesn't conflict my job interview dates.

:D

So This is How it Feels Like....

2009-03-24T11:48:00.000+08:00

Today is officially the day that I am unemployed.

Yes, that's right.

I AM UNEMPLOYED.

I recently resigned from my work as a Recruitment Admin Assistant. I decided that Admin work does not suit me... or so I think.

I realized that I have to pursue something that wouldn't make me want to drag myself to work. So I followed the advice of many friends and family. And of course, Chandler's and Joey's. I plunge on and acquired "The FEAR".

For all the Non-FRIENDS lovers out there, I'm talking about the episode when Rachel quit her job as a waitress to pursue a career in Fashion. Yes, I am basing my decision on a sitcom.

But seriously, since I'm no longer happy with my job, I decided to take things in my own hands. I don't want to wake up one morning and realize that I have given my life away for a job that I hate and can't leave because I have to pay the bills and get my children to college.

So right now, I'm enjoying my free time. The moment I woke up, I started redecorating my room. It pays that my furniture comes with wheels. So no heavy lifting happened, only heavy pushing.

So for now, I'm relaxing. I need to look for a job of course. I'm waiting for a call right now. But I don't have too much hope for that one. I do hope they pick me but if they don't, I should just move along and do my thing.

Later, I'm making a list on what I want to accomplish from my new found freedom :D

This Type Love by Saul Williams

2009-02-15T15:41:00.000+08:00

This Type Love by Saul Williams

I want a love like, me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love....
Or... me telling my friends more than I`ve ever admitted to myself about how i feel about you type love..
Or... hating how jealous you are, but loving how much you want me all to yourself type love
Or... seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name
And...sh't... I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely made it out of my garage..
See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep, then wonder if she`s dreaming about us being in love type love..
Or... who loves the other more or, what`s she doing at this exact moment or, slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts, closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good can hurt so much when she`s not there, man.....
Sh't, I love not knowing where this love is headed type love....
And check this... I want to place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love..
And not have enough ink in my pen to write all the things I love about her type love...
And hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel type love..
And I want to deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kinda love type love..
Only difference is this is one of those real love type loves...
And just like in high school, I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying sh't...
And then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me and smell her all up in my covers type love..
And I want to try counting the ways I love her then lose count in the middle just so i can start over again...
And I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries...even though they aint really anniversaries, but doing it cause it only makes her happy type love.....
And check this... I want to fall in love with the melody the phone plays when her numbers dialed into it type love, then talk to you until I lose my breath.....she leaves me breathless, but with expanding my lungs I.. inhale all of her back into me...
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer cause in all honesty....I wanna avoid one a them high cell phone bills type love..
And I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are..I mean the lines on my palms don`t give me enough time to love you as long as I`d like to type love...
And I want a love that makes me stu-stu-stu-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is type love..
And I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair..............well maybe not all of it..maybe like I cut the split ends and trim my mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her....
I kinda feel comfortable now...so I even be fantasing about walking out on the green light, just dying to get hit by a car just so I can lose my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get treated and, somehow meet up again with you and fall in love with you in a different language and see if it still feels the same type love........
I want a love that is unexplainable as she is, but im married, so shes gonna be the one i share this love with.

If Law and I ever broke up...

2009-02-04T16:48:00.000+08:00

..I'd go gay.

Not because he left me, but because I really want to.

The only way is up

2009-01-25T17:43:00.000+08:00

All you have to do is jump over the moon.
-Maureen.

Tired.

2009-01-23T15:10:00.000+08:00

I get tired most of the time.

I usually start something but end up not finishing it. Because I get tired. Not just physically tired, but emotionally drained.

I started collecting stuff for my scrapbook but never actually doing it. I started collectiong Paulo Coelho books but never really got the money to do so. I started investing my time and money on photography but ended up having my cameras stuck at home.

I wish I could do more. Well, not even more--maybe just finishing something could be a good start.

Starting the year right

2009-01-02T17:13:00.000+08:00

Lawrence and I went to Subic today. We finally fulfilled atleast three of our fantasies. 1) to go on a roadtrip, 2) to have a go on a zip line and 3) to try out the new SCT Expressway.

We decided to go to Subic despite the very comforting idea of going to Tagaytay because Lawrence is obsessed with expressways. He really likes long open roads. And when we got our chance, he persuaded we go to Subic just to try out the new expressway.

When we got to Subic we don't really know what we're suppose to do. We know that Ocean Adventure is there but we're not really into seeing dolphins at the moment. Besides, both of us already had a chance to see those dolphins when we had field trips in highschool.

So we came across Extreme Adventures. They have a Slide for Life activity area. Since we both haven't experience any zip lining, we decided to go for it.

One thing you should know about me is that I am a control freak. I broke down on an airplane when we were going to Thailand because I have a fear that it will crash. I don't go on roller coasters especially space shuttles for the fear of being killed/thrown overboard. I fear these because I am not in control of anything whenever I am in an airplane or roller coaster. I have to put my trust in the people who controls the machine... and I don't easily trust people.

So zip lining is not really my thing. I have no fear of heights. I can go mountain climbing or wall climbing because no matter how high it gets, I have control of my actions. But in zip lining, I have to rely on my harness, the rope and the people who controls the activity area. That's it. I can't rely on me.

There were three stations. After the first station, I wanted to go back. But Lawrence encouraged me that I can do finish what we started. So teary-eyed, I plunged to the unknown and screamed my heart out.

I was still crying when I finished the three stations. But by the time Lawrence finished his stations (he was behind me), he quickly praised me for doing so well and comforted me.

Lessons I've learned: I should try to let go from time to time to enjoy life. :) And with a little encouragement and comforting, I know I can do it.

Changes

2008-12-14T09:47:00.000+08:00

1. Law is currently in Pampanga. He's a trainer for Xbox for 10straight days. Hmmm... I won't be seeing him anytime soon.

2. Trouble in paradise.

3. Mandatory Christmas party. The mandatory thing took out all the excitement I have for tonight's christmas party. I'm thinking I will go home early.

4. No OT next week but all tasks should be completed before the week ends. Compliance report.... dum dum dum DUM!

Keep Still

2008-12-13T08:37:00.000+08:00

1. The road to success is a long one. One should not rush.

2. My greatest downfall is the "instant mentality". When I want something, I want to get it instantly. I should learn patience.

3. Love takes time.

4. Eternity is too long. Must live in the 'now'.

Workaholic

2008-12-07T07:38:00.000+08:00

1. When I was little I wanted to be a maid, astronaut, singer, doctor and scientist. But really, I pictured myself driving my car with a mug of coffee sitting on the dashboard, talking on a client/boss on the cellphone (speakerphone mode) while my laptop is sitting on the passenger seat giving me the necessary information I need.

2. If I do something (clean my room for example), I need to do it continuously. If I take a break (to eat lunch or something) I wouldn't get it done. I would feel tired and lazy after the break.

3. Today is my off. I'm looking for work around the house.

My phone is re-installed.

2008-12-01T17:42:00.000+08:00

1. Landline phone. Extension. I thought it will be better. But no... had no rest all weekend since people keep calling about the things were selling. Which I completely had no idea about.

2. I am sick. >.< I couldn't do my job last friday because of colds and coughs. I had the flu by friday night and saturday afternoon. I don't have any more fever but I still have coughs and colds. I hope by tomorrow, I can still do my job >.<

3. Smiley smiley. Jealousy go away.

4. I should be sleeping by now.

Paranoia Attack

2008-11-22T18:37:00.000+08:00

Since I'm really that paranoid.

Law and I went to do some shopping. We went home at around 9pm. He has to wake up at 3am to get to work. He has no batteries and no load.

He hasn't called nor texted me that he got home. He's also not answering their landline number.

Yes. I am paranoid. I don't think I could sleep until 3am. When I can call him and talk to him because he's awake / he can wake up for work.

Happy Birthday to Me! =)

2008-11-18T06:30:00.000+08:00

Nope, hindi po c Lorey to, Lawrence here, hinack ko lng account niya, hehe =)

Kinda surprise lang tong post na to, at sa tingin ko mas ok na account niya ang gamitin ko for this post.

I just want to say Happy Birthday to my princess. =) Hoping for more birthdays to come, and also hoping for more years to spend my life with you. =)

I Love You So Much! =)

PS:
Dahil me trabaho ka na, pa-burger ka naman! =) (*chants "Burger! Burger! Burger!" =)

First week

2008-11-15T13:34:00.000+08:00

1. Internet is love. :D I haven't been online for more than one week. After work, I immediately go straight to my bedroom not to surf but to sleep.

2. I already have a job. Quite different from what I was expecting my job to be. I thought I will be in advertising or newspapers but ended up in HR. :) Which is not really a bad thing since I discovered I really like mingling with people. I'm a Recruitment Admin Assistant for NCO group.

3. Yes. You may think that I followed Law (since he is working for NCO group) but being with Law at the office is not really all that peachy. One, we are always conscious that people know we're in a relationship so we couldn't really sneak into each other's offices since that would be a hindrance to work. Two, no PDA. Not even stolen kisses or hugs. Since everyone knows he's my boyfriend.

4. I want to work overtime. I need to get a start on my tasks. Especially since I don't want to be bombarded by irate agents again. How I wish that they would just understand that they were wrong that's why they need clearances.

5. I miss my friends. But gladly, I made new friends. Hopefully, these relationships don't go sour at any point in my stay in NCO group.

Drained.

2008-11-04T16:47:00.000+08:00

Because I disappointed you and myself.

Para kay Aizza at Joyce

2008-10-30T23:25:00.000+08:00

Dalawa kong kaibigan na nag-celebrate ng kanilang birthday kahapon.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D

Sana naging maligaya kayong dalawa sa inyong mga kaarawan. Pasensya na at hindi ako nakabati ng maaga. Yung isa, nawalan ng signal sa sun at hindi napansing hindi naisend ang birthday greeting. Yung isa naman, sa gabi na lamang naibati. Humihingi ako ng tawad sa hindi pagbati >.<

Ang wish ko para kay Aizza... ay sana after three years na. :) *wink wink* Sige na nga, ikaw na mauna... sa susunod na taon na lang kami ni Law. :) Ehehehe. Good health and sana maging ok ang iyong career.

Ang wish ko kay Joyce ay sana matupad ang mga pangarap natin. Magkakaroon tayo ng hospital!! :) Dream big ika nga. :) Muli, good health. At sana magkakita-kita pa tayo uli. :D

Multiply is slow

2008-10-28T18:09:00.000+08:00

1. The upload on Multiply is sooooo slow. I have been online since 3pm. Until now, I haven't successfully upload my pics.

2. Zambales was fun. I wish to do it again.

3. Need to find work. So I could spend lots of moolah for my travels.

4. In connection, I got two exams this week. I seriously hope that I do well.

5. I need a printer. I need to print my resume. >.<

Just for tonight

2008-10-23T19:52:00.000+08:00

pacify me with your scent...

PS
yes, that is Law's used shirt on a pillow.

Head Ache,

2008-10-22T18:21:00.000+08:00

I don't know how people do it. Organizing a small get-together involves minimal effort and yet, I'm here having a damn head ache.

1. I must apologize to the people I didn't get to contact earlier. I was organizing 2 get togethers. One for the block, one for SIKAP. I guess I got confuse and (unfortunately) forgot to text/inform some.

2. With all the schedule and venue conflicts, I just wanted to give up. I actually gave one up. But as much as possible I wish I can still revive it.

3. Nothing causes me more stress than misunderstandings.

4. I pray people will come tomorrow. I pray that everything will be fine and everyone will be happy.

Numbers game

2008-10-22T13:02:00.000+08:00

1. Been busy. My Nanay (grandma from my mother's side) came to visit. :) yey! She spent 2 nights at our small house. Along with my cousin, Dariel, we went to different malls like SM Mall of Asia and Trinoma. I don't know where else I could take her so I opted for the malls.

2. I also tried arranging a SIKAP sem-ender. But no luck. Everyone's so busy. They couldn't even reply. I'm scared for the future of SIKAP. I hope the org will not die.

3. PICNIC!! :) Finally, the pseudo-block outing is going to happen tomorrow. No EK, no out-of-town outing >.< People are so busy. Many have gone out to find jobs. Haaay. I wish we don't lose contact with each other.

4. Currently on senti mode. All the talk about weddings and commitment is simulatneously enlivening my spirit and freaking my brains out.

Pasasalamat

2008-10-12T16:48:00.000+08:00

Dahil tapos na ako sa thesis ko, maipopost ko na ito. Ito ang pinakahuli kong ginawa para sa thesis ko. Para sense na sense ko ang pagpapasalamat. Nakalimutan kong ilagay ang aking mga journ friends. Pasensya na, medyo bangag na kasi ako nung ginagawa ko ito >.<

Nais kong magbigay parangal at papuri sa mga taong hindi lamang tumulong at sumuporta sa akin para magawa ang tesis na ito, kundi nagpanatiling ng katinuan sa aking isip, pagmamahal sa aking puso at ngiti sa aking mga labi.

Sa Panginoon, sa Iyong patnubay at pag-aalaga sa akin at sa aking mga minamahal.

Sina Mah at Dah, ang aking mga magulang, na nagbigay at patuloy na nagbibigay ng lubusang pagmamahal at suporta sa akin. Salamat sa pakikinig, sa tuwing kailangan kong dumaldal para makahanap ng ideya. Salamat sa pag-iintindi sa aking mga mood swings. At gusto kong malaman niyo na lahat ng aking tagumpay ay inaalay ko sa inyo. Mahal na mahal ko kayong dalawa.

Si Gray, ang aking kapatid, na naging stress-reliever ko noong ginagawa ko ang aking tesis. Salamat sa mga dvd marathons, sa pagkwento sa akin ng mga episodes para up-to-date pa rin ako. Nais kong malaman mo na kahit hindi tayo nagpapakita ng affection sa isa’t isa, pareho nating alam na lubos ang pagmamahal natin sa isa’t isa. Naks!

Si Lawrence na parating nariyan at maaasahan. Salamat sa pagtitiis na makipagdate sa akin kahit na tinutulugan lang kita. Maraming salamat sa mga pick-me-ups na binibigay mo sa akin sa tuwing haggard na ako sa aking tesis gaya ng Land Before Time DVD, Musicals collection, breakfast in bed/kitchen, Katy Perry at Michael Learns to Rock mp3’s, hugs, kisses at iyong walang limitasyong pagmamahal. Maraming salamat, superman.

Si Sir U, na nagtiyagang payuhan ako para sa aking tesis. Marami pong salamat sa mga binigay na libro, payo, sources, ideya at kritisismo. Kung hindi dahil sa inyo sir, hindi ko ito magagawa literally.

Maraming Salamat Ma’am Elyrah, ang aking kritik. Salamat po sa pagbabasa ng aking tesis kahit na hindi kayo masyadong nakatulog. Salamat po sa mga nakatulong na kumento at kritisismo. Malaking panghihinayang ko na hindi ko kayo naging propesor. Salamat po.
Si Aizza at Nelson, na hindi nagmimintis sa pagbibigay ng suporta mula pa noong unang tesis namin sa MP 198. Salamat sa mga tawanan, kwentuhan, tsismisan, kalokohan. Hinding hindi mabubuo ang aking buhay kolehiyo kung wala kayo. Nananalangin ako na kahit na tumanda na tayo, hindi pa rin mawawala ang koneksyon natin sa isa’t isa. Maraming Salamat.

Si Honeybee Claire na sinasamahan akong magpuyat hindi lamang sa paggawa ng aking tesis kundi sa iba’t ibang papel na ginawa namin sa limang taon naming nasa unibersidad. Salamat sa pakikinig sa rants, desires at kalokohan ko. Isa kang tunay na kaibigan. Maraming Salamat.

Si Muma Drei na sumasama sa aking maghanap ako ng free WiFi internet noong mahigit dalawang buwan akong walang internet sa bahay. Salamat rin sa pagsama sa akin sa iba’t ibang lugar at pagkilala sa iba’t ibang tao. Sa pagsusulat ko ng tesis, ang mga dates natin ang mga naging stress reliever ko. Maraming salamat sa mga matatalino at nakakalokong usapan. Maraming salamat sa pagbibigay ng payo at pagbibigay ng pagmamahal. Alam kong hindi tayo mawawalay kahit saan ka pang bansa mapunta. I Labs You.

Ang aking mga blockmates. Si Monica na naging kasama ko sa aking pagtahak ng landas sa peryodismo. Sabi ko sa’yo noong 2nd year tayo sa McDo Katips na walang iwanan. Ngayong tapos na tayo sa pag-aaral, maaasahan mo pa rin ito sa akin. Si Bambi at Roxanne, ang natatanging bestfriends na nagbibigay kulay at kalokohan sa aming batch. Si Deane na nagsilbing inspirasyon upang maging magaling. Salamat sa mga puzzles na nagstimulate sa aking utak. Si Jeni at Shobe, ang mag-girlfriends. Maraming salamat sa mga tawanan, shopping, kainan, updates sa libro at gadgets at iba pang mga ritwal na gingawa natin sa kubo. Si DJ at Om ang dalawang talentadong batchmates namin. Salamat sa pagtitiyaga sa tuwing nagtatanong ako tungkol sa paggigitara, literatura at photography. Maraming Salamat sa inyong lahat sa pagtulong sa akin na umunlad sa kolehiyo.

Ang aking mga Ka-SIKAP. Sina Ate Shine, Ate Kathz, Ate Connie, Kuya Josh, Kuya Earvin, Jenjen, Ate Ayda, Ate Chi, Mau, Ate Jett, Ate Glai, Exi, Ron, Arnie, Jinky, Aykel, Bianca, Eden, Bob, Andrey, Eboi, Verna, Hans, Richard, Jo at sa iba pa, maraming salamat. Alam kong hindi ako masyadong nakatulong noong panahon na nagcra-cram na ako sa thesis at nagpapasalamat akong hindi niyo ako jinudge o sinabihan ng masama noon. Marami sa aking magagandang memorya tungkol sa kolehiyo ang nabuo sa SIKAP. Maraming Salamat na naging bahagi kayo nito.

Ang aking mga Ka-PRIMO. Sina Abu, Kasuy, Nampoy, Vince, Eula, Ace, Vianka, Katre, Ohwee at sa iba pa. Naging isang pamilya na tayo. At kahit na medyo nawawala ako noong panahon na ginagawa ko ang tesis, maraming salamat sa suporta at patuloy na pakikisama sa akin. Babawi ako sa sembreak. Sana’y makasama ko kayo uli.

Ang aking mga naging propesor na sina Sir Bomen, Sir Alwin, Sir Vlad, Sir Aguila, Sir Jun, Ma’am Ruby, Ma’am Gaying, Ma’am Luna, Ma’am Khan, Ma’am Jazmines, Ma’am Encanto at Sir Teodoro. Salamat sa mga naibahagi niyong kaalaman. Salamat po sa pagtuturo sa akin at paghubog sa kung sino ako ngayon bilang isang akademiko.

Ang mga tiga-departamento na sina Ate Susan, Ate Marie, Kuya Eric, Kuya Boyet at Kuya Rolly. Maraming salamat sa pagbibigay pansin sa akin sa tuwing pumupunta ako sa departamento. Kay Ate Susan at Ate Marie na naging pasensyoso sa akin. Kay Kuya Eric, Kuya Boyet at Kuya Rolly sa mga kwento. Salamat po.

Sa aking mga kaibigan sa labas ng UP. Si Jerome, ang aking bestfriend simula 2nd year hayskul. Maraming salamat sa suporta at mga encouragement. Naging malaking tulong ito sa paggawa ko ng tesis. Si Chi at Edelene, ang aking mga kaibigan mula pa noong hayskul na nagbigay ng suporta. Salamat sa pag-iintindi sa akin. Sina Aj, Kath, Yuno, Dianne, Elaine at Pat—mga bumubuo ng Prendchips. Salamat dahil naging inspirasyon ko kayo.

(At para kay Gray) Sina Pepper, Basil, Chili, Ying at Cinnamon—ang aming mga aso. Salamat dahil kahit na mahilig kayong kumain ng mga papel, hindi niyo kinain ang aking mga readings at libro.

At sa lahat ng tao na nakilala ko at nakasama ko. Hindi ako magiging kumpleto o buo kung hindi ko kayo nakilala at nakasama. Para sa inyo, Maraming Salamat.

You pierce my heart.

2008-10-07T18:01:00.000+08:00

I can't have a conversation with you.

Why do you always have to say something. I only want you to listen. When I tell you my plans, even if it's still flawed, I just want to tell you this to share something to you. Share my my life, my passion.

I respect your opinions. It's just that everytime we finish a conversation, I feel like I'm in a heavy weight boxing match. I have this burden in my heart. You always beat me down. Not with negativity or anything. You don't bring negativity--you manipulate. In a way, you manipulate. And I struggle to rise above your standards.

I finally realize who set this cage for me. It's you.

I have nothing against this cage, I actually used it as a protection--hiding inside it. But there's always that time when you have to free yourself. I thought I was getting the freedom when I graduate. No.

Like any cage, it's a trap.

Lazy

2008-10-04T21:58:00.000+08:00

After so many days not minding my blog...

1. I realize why people love sleeping. Will post a blog about the glory of sleep when I get off my lazy ass.

2. My last day of classes in college is this tuesday. I better bring the camera.

3. I need to rejuvenate myself.

4. I have a concrete plan on my thesis and other finals.

5. I need a good affordable gym.

6. I am a homebody.

7. I'm going to sleep since my 3-hr nap wasn't enough. =]

Woman does not exist.

2008-09-27T12:38:00.000+08:00

Saktong sakto ang natutunan kong psychoanalysis mula kay Ma'am Sarah Raymundo kahapon sa SIKAP lecture series.

Sobrang sakto, ang creepy na kanina lang--na play out siya. >.<

Hats off kay Ma'am Sarah. Magaling ang pagkakadiscuss. Lalo na't hindi naman ako nag-aaral ng psychoanalysis. Medyo nosebleed sa simula pero noong kinalaunan, ok na. Naintindihan ko naman siya in the end. :) At ang galing. Naintindihan ko in 1hour.

Ngayon, kailangan ko lang maging negation.

Hmmm... Paano kaya yun?

Sleeping on Thesis Crunch Time

2008-09-26T08:51:00.000+08:00

Waaaah!

I fell asleep!

I was suppose to take a short nap to rejuvenate my strength after my 3rd exam yesterday. I was suppose to sleep for only an hour or so. After that, I was suppose to do my powerpoint presentation for my thesis presentation on Monday.

But no!

I fell ASLEEP for more than 12hours. >.<

Now, I'm cramming again. >.<

:(

Rain rain rain

2008-09-24T20:14:00.000+08:00

I have been in love with the rain ever since I could remember.

I love the way tiny drops sound as they touch the ground, the pavement, some umbrellas, roofs, trees and people. I love how it washes out the dirt and makes everything seem clean.

I love staying in and sleeping in bed enveloped with the coldness the rain brings.

Tonight, as I write an exercise paper for my 8:30am class, I put on some dreamsounds and listened how it blends with the rain.

It would be perfect if you were with me.

Ayan ka na naman

2008-09-22T18:37:00.000+08:00

Tinutukso-tukso ang aking puso.

Lolz.

Pero seryoso.

Kung hindi yung dream guy ko (na hindi na nagpaparamdam), ikaw naman ang nakikita ko.

Hmp.

Alam ko naman na kaya lang kita gusto ay dahil hindi kita makakamit.

Halata na bang iniiwasan kita?

Oh well. papel.

Gusto ko lang malaman mo na masaya akong nariyan ka. Kahit hindi ka maging akin.

Almost There

2008-09-21T19:45:00.000+08:00

So I passed my first draft thesis to my critic last friday.

1. I'm not satisfied with my revisions. I missed a lot of stuff. And I hate hate hate it when I work while I'm sick. I think I need to take vitamins again or something.

2. Wasn't able to do the conclusion I want to do.

3. I promise to revise revise revise my thesis after my presentation. I promise that I will be able to do this!! Ye!

4. Went to SIKAP's lecture series. I was down because I had sore throat and fever. But I needed to support SIKAP. :) Yey!

5. Law was there for me. When I really couldn't drive anymore... he drove me home while I slept. *shhhh*

6. My mom and dad was finally happy that I cleared the living room. While working on my thesis I invaded the living room. I spread a mat, put some pillows and work on my thesis day and night. :)

7. I'm trying to be more productive now. I have more papers and tests since I have 3more subjects besides thesis. The teachers are cramming, so the students are also cramming... Hmmm...

8. I miss blogging.

9. I still have my sore throat but I think I'm back. I will be revising my thesis from here on out. :)

Sick at the wrong wrong time

2008-09-16T19:20:00.000+08:00

Buwan-buwan, nagkakasakit ako. Hindi pumapalya yan. Maaring maliit na bagay lang gaya ng sipon o malaki gaya ng trangkaso.

Noong haykul ako, umiinom ako ng 4 na vitamins kada araw. Para akong may drug problem. Mayroon akong iron (anemic), vitamin C, multivitamins at yung isa para sa calcium or potassium (nakalimutan ko na). Tinigil ko na yun noong freshie ako sa UP kasi wala na akong panahon.

So ever since then, nagkakasakit ako. Malas na lang kung hindi maayos yung timing. Gaya ngayon.

Mayroon akong sore throat, migraine at sipon. Maaaring maging trangkaso kung mali lang ako sa self diagnosis ko (at lagnat, sipon at ubo talaga ang meron ako. pero hindi pa sure kaya sore throat muna). Natulog ako kaninang hapon. Sabi ko sandali lang para makapagpahinga lang ako. Tumuloy-tuloy hanggang 10pm ng gabi.

Naalala ko na ginising ako ni Law para uminom ng gamot dahil may lagnat raw ako. Kaso blurry kasi hindi ko maalala na gising ako. >.<

And for the cherry on top!!! >.< Revisions ko ng thesis this week. Dapat matapos kong irevise ang 10chapters ko by 19th. Kailangan.

Well, kapag natapos ko naman tapos na. Konting revisions na lang pagdating sa totoong pasahan.

Oh please. Sana matapos ko na ito. :)

Dahil nababaliw na ako sa tesis

2008-09-15T19:37:00.000+08:00

Nagpagupit ako.

Sinamahan ko ang aking nanay sa parlor kanina. Pinagupitan na rin ako. Hindi naman gaanong binago. Pero numipis yung aking buhok at gumaan ang ulo ko. Siguro makakatulong din iyon sa aking pag-iisip sa pagrevise ng tesis. :) Oh please. sana.

Adjustments

2008-09-14T20:52:00.000+08:00

1. May bago akong globe number. Hindi ko na po ginagamit yung isa. Pasensya na po kung papalit-palit ako ng number.

2. Revisions na lang ang kailangan para sa aking tesis. Pero hindi maliit na bagay yun. Dahil malalaking revisions ang kailangang gawin.

3. Hindi ko makikita si Law ng isang linggo. Masyado na kasi akong clingy at dependent. Tignan natin kung makakaya ko. Lalo na't halos isang buwan rin kaming hindi magkikita kung makuha niya ang dream job niya.

4. Sanay na akong matulog ng madaling araw at magising ng tanghali. Kailangan na itong baguhin.

5. Panatiliing malinis ang kwarto. Bow.

Paranoia

2008-09-08T14:57:00.000+08:00

I have done a bad bad bad thing. And I think I got caught. And being absolutely paranoid even without true basis... well, you could probably imagine how paranoid I am today.

Oh God... Oh please oh please oh please... no awkward conversations. I just want none of that. I promise not to do it again until I'm legal... or something.

Disconnected

2008-09-07T13:16:00.000+08:00

Dear You,

Honestly, the reason why I don't like her is because I feel like she's taking you away from me. And what I did was just sit back and watch if she does--which she did (from my perspective atleast).

I miss you. I miss hanging out--talking and laughing and sharing deep dark secrets. But I often stop myself because I feel we've grown apart. And since I'm immature, I blame her.

But it's not really her fault. I think it's mine. I distanced myself because I didn't like her. And I'm afraid that if I'm with you, I'd dread every minute because you'll probably talk about her. Yes, I am jealous. And I'm jealous because I knew she would cause this. And she did. But it was still my decision to distance myself that wreck us.

I miss you.

After all the craziness, I will try to reconnect.

Love,
Me

Dahil matagal na akong hindi nag-iinternet

2008-09-07T10:27:00.000+08:00

1. 2days to be exact.

2. Bukas na ang bday ni Claire. Nagcra-cramming kami ng regalo. >.<

3. Nagalit ako. Hindi ako gold digger. Just so you know.

4. Pangit ang West Side Story na ipinapalabas sa Meralco Theatre. Mag-eelaborate na lang ako sa aking review.

5. Bagay sa akin ang mga dress. :) Kahit paminsan-minsan lang, maging demure ako. Ehehehe.

6. Lagi na lang akong pagod at kulang so oras. Not enough vitamins. Magiging masama ba talaga ang pagkakagawa ng time machine? Ha, Lawrence? Ha, Cracked people?

Who was the character in Heroes to have the power of sensitive hearing?

2008-08-28T20:20:00.000+08:00

When I came home, I went to rest. I fell asleep because I was so tired. Not really knowing why. Anyhoooo, I am a little sleeper. I usually wake up when someone turns on the lights or blares sounds in my ears. I also can't sleep with a background music--the one with waves and stuff. Usually, if you want to wake me up, just call my name--I respond to it very well.

And this is really nice. I have this thing that makes me hear distant noises rather the ones that's blaring in my face. So usually, when you're talking to me I go deaf. Usually. Not all the time. But I usually can't hear people. But if it's a lock or a pin dropping, even when I'm using my ipod, I can hear it. My Muma Drei says the lower the decibel, the better I can hear the sound.

So I went to sleep. But was awaken by this distinct sound of a strand of hair caught in a mechanical thing. Oh. It was a fallen strand of hair caught in my electric fan. I tried my best to ignore but alas, I couldn't. And my electric fan is not user friendly. >.< You need a screwdriver to open it and clean it. So I had to go to my parents' bedroom to retrieve a screwdriver just to be able to get the hair out.

Now, I'm awake and tired. >.<

And last night I kept looking for something that makes a flapping noise. >.< It was very distinct I thought it was a rat going through stuff around the room. I woke up and found it was a loose scotch tape near my dresser. It was caught my the wind and made flapping noise all night. >.< I need earplugs.

Techie Meme. :) (from Red)

2008-08-27T11:40:00.000+08:00

Mobile Phones:
1.) First cellphone unit ( make and model ) - Nokia 5110, noong grade 5 o 6 ako. >.<

2.) Favorite cellphone unit - Nokia 1110. :) Simple. with flashlight!! yey. :)

3.) Current cellphone unit - Nokia 1110. :) flashlight flashlight flashlight

Handheld Consoles:
4.) First Handheld game console - never had any. >.<

5.) Favorite Handheld game console - ...

6.) Current handheld game console - none.

Desktop PCs:
7.) First PC (Desktop) Specs - uhm. pentium 2.

8.) Current PC (Desktop) Specs - pentium 4. >.<

9.) The PC Specs you always wished for: supercomputer with unlimited hard drive. :)

Laptops:

10.)First Laptop - 2nd hand IBM.

11.)Current Laptop - HP. AMD Turion 2.00 GHz. 3gb RAM, 250gb hard drive. :)

12.)The Laptop you always dreamed of - well... none at the moment. i looooove my laptop. :)

Game Consoles:
13.) First Game Console - never had one.

14.) Favorite Game Console -

15.) Current Game Console -

16.) First PC Game ever played - ahahaha. Chips.

17.) Favorite PC Game ever played - Battle Realms.

18.) Last PC Game played - Warcraft.

19.) Palm or Pocket PC? - Palm. :) Go Palm TX! :)

20.) What's your MP3 player and capacity? - 8gb Ipod nano (3rd gen)

21.) Aside from your cellphone, PDA and laptop - What other gadget you can never be without? - Nikon D40, Canon IXUS 30,

22.) First Wristwatch - hindi ko maalala. >.<

23.) Favorite Wristwatch - my current? >.<

24.) Current Wristwatch - Timex watch.

25.) Ultimate Dream Gadget - for now? T Mobile Sidekick II, Nikon D80. i don't think i can ever be satisfied with gadgets. :)

Tulong :)

2008-08-26T21:42:00.000+08:00

Hello! :)

Para sa aking creative shot, gusto ko po sana maging giant doll. Dahil gusto ko matangkad naman ako kahit minsan sa buhay ko. At gusto ko yung idea na may nakapaligid na dolls sa akin kasi isa yun sa mga fears ko. (Bata pa lang kasi ako noong napanood ko yung Child's Play) >.<

Pero wala kasi akong dolls. Kasi nga takot ako sa kanila. >.< Well, pwede po bang pahiram ng dolls niyo? I promise to bring them back in good condition. I promise hindi ako yung maghahandle sa kanila para hindi niyo isipin na itatapon ko sila or ibebehead ko sila. :) ehehehe. Pleeease? Para sa creative shot ng graduation picture ko sana

Pretty Pleeeeeaaseeeeeeeeeee?

Melancholy and Choleric. :)

2008-08-25T13:40:00.000+08:00

Took a personality test. Hoping I could understand myself better. :)

Melancholy -- 40%
Sanguine -- 15%
Phlegmatic -- 15%
Choleric -- 30%

Strengths of a Melancholy

The Introvert | The Thinker | The Pessimist

The Melancholy's Emotions

Deep and thoughtfully
Analytical
Serious and purposeful
Genius prone
Talented and creative
Artistic or musical
Philosophical and poetic
appreciative of beauty
Sensitive to others
Self-sacrificing
Conscientious
Idealistic

The Melancholy As A Parent

Sets high standards
Wants everything done right
Keeps home in good order
Picks up after children
Sacrifices own will for others
Encourages scholarship and talent

The Melancholy At Work

Schedule oriented
Perfectionist, high standards
Detail conscious
Persistent and thorough
Orderly and organized
Neat and tidy
Economical
Sees the problems
Finds creative solutions
Needs to finish what he starts
Likes charts, graphs, figures, lists

The Melancholy As a Friend

Makes friends cautiously
Content to stay in background
Avoids causing attention
Faithful and devoted
Will listen to complaints
Can solve other's problems
Deep concern for other people
Moved to tears with compassion
Seeks ideal mate

Weakness of a Melancholy

The Introvert | The Thinker | The Pessimist

The Melancholy's Emotions

Remembers the negatives
Moody and depressed
Enjoys being hurt
Has false humility
Off in another world
Low self-image
Has selective hearing
Self-centered
Too introspective
Guilt feelings
Persecution complex
Tends to hypochondria

The Melancholy As A Parent

Puts goals beyond reach
May discourage children
May be too meticulous
Becomes martyr
Sulks over disagreements
Puts guilt upon children

The Melancholy At Work

Not people oriented
depressed over imperfections
Chooses difficult work
Hesitant to start projects
Spends to much time planning
Prefers analysis to work
Self-deprecating
Hard to please
Standards often to high
Deep need for approval

The Melancholy As a Friend

Lives through others
Insecure socially
Withdrawn and remote
critical of others
Holds back affections
Dislikes those in opposition
Suspicious of people
Antagonistic and vengeful
Unforgiving
Full of contradictions
Skeptical of compliments

Strengths of a Choleric

The Extrovert | The Doer | The Optimist

The Choleric's Emotions

Born leader
Dynamic and active
Compulsive need for change
Must correct wrongs
Strong-willed and decisive
Unemotional
Not easily discouraged
Independent and self sufficient
Exudes confidence
Can run anything

The Choleric As A Parent

Exerts sound leadership
Establishes Goals
Motivates family to action
Knows the right answer
Organizes household

The Choleric At Work

Goal oriented
Sees the whole picture
Organizes well
Seeks practical solutions
Moves quickly to action
Delegates work
Insists on production
Makes the goal
Stimulates activity
Thrives on opposition

The Choleric As a Friend

Has little need for friends
Will work for group activity
Will lead and organize
Is usually right
Excels in emergencies

Weaknesses of a Choleric

The Extrovert | The Doer | The Optimist

The Choleric's Emotions

Bossy
Impatient
Quick-tempered
Can't Relax
Too impetuous
Enjoys controversy and arguments
Won't give up when loosing
Comes on too strong
Inflexible
Is not complimentary
Dislikes tears and emotions
Is unsympathetic

The Choleric As A Parent

Tends to over dominate
Too busy for family
Gives answers too quickly
Impatient with poor performance
Won't let children relax
May send them into depression

The Choleric At Work

Little tolerance for mistakes
Doesn't analyze details
Bored by trivia
May make rash decisions
May be rude or tactless
Manipulates people
Demanding of others
End justifies the means
Work may become his god
Demands loyalty in the ranks

The Choleric As a Friend

Tends to use people
Dominates others
Knows everything
Decides for others
Can do everything better
Is to independent
Possessive of friends and mate
Can't say, "I'm Sorry"
May be right, but unpopular

Mga dapat naiblog pero hindi dahil sa katamaraan

2008-08-24T19:58:00.000+08:00

1. Maganda ang Wall-E. :) Sana mayroon rin akong Wall-E.

2. Ay, wait. Mayroon na pala akong ganun. :D

3. Kailangang alalahanin ang unang rush. Dahil marunong na akong maglet go at hindi mangontrol. Marunong na nga ba?

4. Masayang mayroong geeky na boyfriend kasi may nagsasabi sa akin na may website na Cracked.

5. Nakakaadik pa rin pala ang America's Next Top Model.

6. Lumilikot na yung mga puppies ni Gray. Nangangagat na ng paa.

7. Kinakailangan ko ng tapusin yung tesis ko para wala ng problema.

8. Ginagaya ko na naman ang sleeping patterns ni Law. >.<

9. Wala na akong pera.

10. Nasira ko na naman yung phone ni Law. Pero not directly. >.<

Waking up in the wrong side of Life

2008-08-21T03:25:00.000+08:00

I'm not a big fan of early mornings.

Even if my dad wakes up this early, cooks us breakfast and tugs us out of the bed... I never enjoyed waking up early.

Ever since I can remember, I don't like waking up. I have to prepare for school when I was in elementary and highschool that's why I wake up early. I was always late. Especially since I really can't wake up that early.

In college, waking up before 10am is a task. I schedule my subjects in the morning to be able to get things over and done with. Problem is, I can't stop snoozing my alarm.

Today, I have to wake up early again. Not to prepare for a class, but to finish a deadline. Usually I would pull an all-nighter and finish it before 5am catching up with sleep around 5:30am up to 9:30am. But I can't pull that off anymore.

It seems that I can't stay awake at night. Nowadays I feel sleepy aroung 10pm. Which is odd since I usually sleep around 2am back in the days.

Maybe I'm getting old. The energy I had was slowly dripping away because I have used up all of it. >.<

Ah well, sleep is my bestfriend. After this day is through, I'm sleeping.

The loooong month and a half

2008-08-20T12:05:00.000+08:00

As you guys probably know, we had no telephone and internet for more than a month. Hmmm... How did I survive? I didn't. My family had to endure my constant bickering. >.<

But PLDT to the rescue.

We have a new phone. =P yipeee! And just today, a friendly dsl man installed our internet. =D

My dad is still sick so he can't put the extensions up yet. and our wifi router since the connection that we need for that is from an extension. :) so for now, if we want to use the dsl, we have to use it downstairs. which I don't mind since I have internet. :D

aahhh.. heaven :D

Ninang Update

2008-07-29T14:55:00.000+08:00

My Ninang will be buried on Thursday.

I can't skip any of my classes on Thursday. Because I already skipped classes today. So no, I won't be saying goodbye to my Ninang when they bury her.

It has its ups and downs. First, its a bummer I can't be there. I have forgotten how to participate in a burial. The last one who died (before Ninang) in our family is my Lolo (my mom's dad). I was in Grade 6. And if you know me, you'd know that I can't remember anything. (Seriously. Can't remember how he was buried or if I cried.)

It may be a good thing that I'm not there because I don't want to be the awkward one not crying while everyone else is. And I may not be able to control myself from saying stuff that are not appropriate to say in a burial.

So tonight, I will be staying at the wake overnight. When we get home in the morning, I will got to school and start researching for my subjects. It would be an offering.

Tonight, I say goodbye to my Ninang.

On Death and Being Jaded

2008-07-28T20:58:00.000+08:00

As Gloria chattered on in her State of the Nation Address, I was typing away my thesis chapters when the news of the death of my Ninang (my lola's younger sister, we call her ninang) due to complications of diseases.

And my reaction when my sister announced it? "Weh?"

Then that was it.

The gravity of what happened to my Ninang only hit me when I made my dad upset by asking if I could use Ninang as a subject for my Human Interest feature story. After he was mad, I realize what I just said. I said I wanted to use her because it was tragic.

Tragic.

Damn. How cold can I be?

Maybe it's because I spent more than 5 years reading and researching about tragedies in life like rape that suddenly I woke up and became jaded to all of this. After all that research, I still don't know what to do or to say when a friend confesses she was molested or raped. I have read books, watched films, interacted with people who know about these stuff... yet I still don't know.

I realize I never really know how to react when these things happen in reality. I may watch movies and cry whenever a person dies or whenever a person is raped, but in reality I never know what to do or say.

I remember that the most comfortable reaction I ever had with a bad news is when a friend of mine told me she had a disease that could kill her. My reaction--I laughed. And she was fine with that. Because she didn't want the pity looks or the pity phrases. That's the only time when I felt relieve to have done something right when it comes to reacting on a tragedy.

Right now, I'm sitting at the wake of my Ninang. She's not yet ready since we forgot her dress at the house of her only son. My dad, my cousin and the wife of the only son of Ninang had to go back to their home to fetch the dress. We have been waiting for more than 2 hours.

Tomorrow, I don't think I can go to school. Besides the fact that I'm really tired and really lazy, I want to stay at this wake. And this time, it's not for researching the mood of the wake for my features story. This time, it's because staying quietly in one corner is my only way to show my respect for the dead.

I still can't find the words. But I hope my presence would indicate that I'm trying. And that my Ninang will know that I loved her soooo much.

Internet whore

2008-07-23T13:32:00.000+08:00

Yes.

I was internet deprived for more than a month. Globelines sucks big time when it comes to repairs. We still don't have any phone or internet. >.<

We (I mean me and my family) are internet scavengers. Today we chose Robinson's Burger King. We definetely needed the internet.

Well, things I did since I don't have the internet:
1. Thesis chapters (well, a positive on this one.)
2. Watched a lot of my dvds. (Serenity!! I am a leaf in the wind. Watch me soar., Semi-pro was hilarious. After Sex, steamy and educational. Domino, adrenaline-inducing. Atonement!! I can't believe I put off watching this.)
3. Read books (not necessarily positive since I kept putting off reading books that were thesis-relevant but... Deception Point by Dan Brown, another read at Master of the Game by Sidney Sheldon, Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman)
4. Cook. (I cooked Chicken Pastel which Law says tastes ok. A little tampo with my family since they didn't eat a lot because there was two viands.)
5. Spend time with friends.

Now that I have the internet, I can't seem to continue my thesis chapter that's due tom. I have to stay away from multiply, ym and others. bleh.

I need my internet back.

Damn you globelines!!

Rants

2008-07-10T09:20:00.000+08:00

Konti lang ang panahon ko para magblog.

Unang rant, wala akong telepono at internet. Bwisit.
Pangalawang rant, wala na akong oras. >.<
Pangatlong rant, mayroon ako kaya may dismeno at violent mood swings.
Pang-apat na rant, nagloloko ang telepono ko. =(

Meaning of my eyes. :)

2008-06-17T13:38:00.000+08:00

Based on your eyes ...

You can trust your sixth sense. Life is exciting so routine job is not your interest. You have great ideas and fantastic imagination. You often feel tired of things and people around you. Your Love, You can tell what's in the mind of another person just from looking into his/her eyes. You are paranoid and jealous and these are the cause of fights between you and your lover. Sometimes the thing you believe in is just your imagination.

Your greatest STRENGTHS ...

Witty and highly adjustable in hard times.

Your greatest WEAKNESS ...

Impatient, impetuous and quarrelsome.

Jobs you should pursue ...

Teachers, lecturers, writers, announcers, investors.

(re)SOLUTION

2008-06-16T16:38:00.000+08:00

My life will not be an open book ever again.

Keeping it to yourself is the key.

When I enter a relationship, I am serious about it.

2008-06-16T16:22:00.000+08:00

My mother recently talked to me about being open to meeting new people. I said meeting new people for friends? Of course I'm open to that. No. She says if I'm open to meeting new people to date. So I could keep my options open. So that I could still fish for better fish. Something to that effect.

Well, my mom clearly doesn't know me. FYI: when I enter a relationship, I am serious about it. I will be committed. That's what relationships are for. To be committed to someone. To choose to be committed to someone.

And suddenly my mom gives me the speech where I'm so wrap up in Lawrence that my life revolves around Lawrence. Her evidence being all the things I do, I do with Lawrence. All my friends are Lawrence's friends.

What?!!?

Ok, first of all. I am insulted. Because my mom thinks I'm this clingy clingy girlfriend. I may be overreading but to me that's what is says. Next, I'm offended because the person I chose to be my greatest confidante is being tossed around by her saying 'he doesn't have a backbone', 'he follows you around like a dog'.

Oh COME On!!

First, it took me so hard to open up to someone like Lawrence. And believe me, I haven't opened up enough at this point! And then she just shuts it down says I'm too clingy and that I can't do stuff without having Lawrence? What great reasoning right?

She says that me climbing mountains with Lawrence, us going to plays and all that stuff I usually like (that we do together) is a sign of me not being able to do anything without Lawrence. FYI, Lawrence and I like the same things. That's what makes us good. I mean, I liked mountain climbing. He decided to give it a try and boom! he liked it. If he liked it and I go mountain climbing, shouldn't I invite him? Right?

Photography. I like it, Lawrence likes it. My mom says if he likes it, how come he doesn't have a camera? Because he's not that rich mom!! He's not in our situation. How come? He works now, can't he buy his own camera? No, mom. Because he pays the bills in their house. Because he is saving up for something else. But he is thinking of buying a camera.

Why would I be open to dating people? Because in the end, that's the bottomline of my mom's speech. Sure, I'll be interested in meeting new people. But if they turn out to like me and ask me out on a date, I will say no. Why?

BECAUSE I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP!!

Friday the 13th

2008-06-14T10:12:00.000+08:00

I usually get the lucky friday the 13th's but I guess 2008 just wants to make it more harder for me.

Hmmm... as you know (well, if you're reading my blog entries), I was looking forward to yesterday. Why? I have tickets to my much-awaited Avenue Q. I was suuuuuper excited and didn't actually care to shell out P1,100 just spending the time watching puppets make people realize of our grim reality.

So, it was the perfect cure for the week's ugly events.

I think Claire influenced me so much on writing that I eventually see the actual events as a story. When I got to UP, I wasted P9 on a jeepney ride going home because my mom and dad didn't have their keys with them. When I was in SC, they texted that I should go home anymore and go back to my meeting with the SIKAP people. When I went back Claire, Aizza and Exi were already gone. Pfft.

But still, I was still in a particularly good mood. Avenue Q will save me from this depression.

We started getting ready and went out at 7:30 pm thinking that Meralco Theatre was really really near from our home. When we got there, my sister's friend (the one with our tickets) texted that the play was showing in RCBC plaza.

Makati! SHit! We were already late. I mean we were on time when we got to Meralco Theatre but Makati is far from Ortigas. We couldn't possible make it in 10mins or less.

Apparently there was a misunderstanding between the two (my sister and her friend). Her friend probably joked about Meralco Theatre or my sister probably wasn't paying attention. But all in all, they didn't really talk about it.

So before we got to RCBC palaza, Makati being so traffic-controlled. There were no left turns and u-turns, so we had to figure out a way to get to the other side. Which took more time than speeding to Meralco Theatre to Makati via C-5.

Oh. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!

Anyways, end of the story we got to see the half of the play. I didn't get to see the parts were I really liked the songs like 'Everybody's a little racist' and 'If you were gay'. Damn.

And my sister kept on bugging me to atleast smile since we got to the play anyways. But for me, I can't smile. I mean come on! I've been waiting to watch the play for months. I've beem daydreaming about it. I shelled out good money just to see it. Who could smile?

Her friend thinks I'm mad. Well, I was at first. But she apologized and I said it was ok. What can we do? There was nothing we can do. But my sister insisted I smile at least. And I finally made it clear that I was not mad, I was just unhappy.

When I look back on watching the play and realizing it was already half of the show we've missed, I was thinking to myself... I wished I could've just stayed home, kept the money and worked on my thesis.

I wanted to see the whole play. Even thinking on buying tickets again. But pfft. Why bother shelling out P1,100 again. I mean, it's not like money grows in trees in our house. I mean recently, we just had our family talk about conserving our money since we don't have enough left.

Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

So basically, no happy ending for my sad, miserable, depressing week.

The worst is over.

2008-06-11T19:46:00.000+08:00

Yey! We finally made up.

Officially, the car is mine!! But tsk tsk... gas prices are waaaay high. Can't even celebrate getting the car by driving to Tagaytay or Batangas or somewhere very very far. And and and... when I finally got an excuse to drive to school (since even if I had a car when I was in 2nd and 3rd year, I lived in UP and had no point driving from buildings that are walking distance from the boarding house), that's when I have no money for the overpriced car liquor.

Well, atleast I get to go anywhere I want. Not that that was even an issue in the Democratic house of the de Guzman's. But still.

Hmm... I think I will always prefer Lance (my first car) even if he's a beaten up Lancer 13 years older than me. :)

In other news, FRIDAY is coming... I hope I didn't get my hopes too high for AVENUE Q. :) i love love love love having a sister with friends with connections. :)

I guess, except from the rage, war and depression this week is a-okay.

Dear Depression

2008-06-09T14:34:00.000+08:00

You have once again ruined my life. Along with Anger or should I say Rage, you have once again severed the ties I have with my family. I don't know if I should thank you or I should curse. I feel I should do both. But I sometimes wish I could just be indifferent.

Today was the worst day you could've presented yourself. Instead of poisoning only me, you poisoned my Dad and sister. I should hate you for that. But I'm tired of hating. And all I want is to get out of this.

I don't know what I should write next to "this". I don't know if it's "this mess" or "this family" or simply "this life". I opted "this life" when I was in Grade 6. The only thing that stop me is the thought of hell.

But now, I don't believe in heaven or in hell. Which makes its more easier, I guess. All I need to do is choose "this life" and be done with it. At least my problems would simply fly away. And you know that when people die, the people around them suddenly change. They suddenly think that the dead were all nice, all pretty, all saint.

I'd like to be regarded as that someday.

Again, you came into my life. How long will you stay? It might take me years to forget you and move on with my life. That's dragging. I just hipe now that you're with me again, people (especially my family) will stop and notice it. Maybe next time, I wouldn't be the only one concern of you choosing "this life". Maybe they will reach out and point to me that I don't really have to choose.

Until your next attack,
Lorey

I just don't want people touching my things. -Moulin Rouge

2008-05-21T21:45:00.000+08:00

Hindi yata direct quote yan. Kasi nakalimutan ko na yung mismong quote.

Habang kami pumunta ng Thailand, pinaalaga namin ang aming bahay at mga aso sa aming tita Jenny. Kasama niya sa pagbabantay ang kanyang anak. Bago kami umalis, kumain ako ng PADAS.

Mahal na mahal ko ang Padas. Hindi ako kumakain ng seafood pero kapag ito ang ulam, kakain ako. Maliliit siyang isda na binilad sa araw at binudburan ng asin. Ipriprito sandali at pagkatapos ng ilang minuto may ulam ka na.

Sa Ilocos, La Union area lang mayroong Padas. At bihira ito. Madalas sa summer lang nakakakuha. Pero dahil maliliit ang mga isda, pinagbabawal na maraming isda ang hulihin. Babies pa kasi ata sila.

Dahil bihira lang ito, pinapadalan ako ng Padas ng aking lola mula sa La Union. Taon bago ako mapadalhan lalo na't mahirap makahanap nito sa palengke. Kung kaya't kapag binigyan ako ng Padas, tinitipid ko ang pagkain noon. Isa pa, kapag pinadalhan ako ng Padas, akin lang yun. Selfish na kung selfish.

Bago kami pumuntang Thailand, pinadalhan ako ng maraming padas. Bago kami umalis sinabi nga sa aming Tita Jenny na para sa akin lang iyon at mahirap makakuha noon.

Pagbalik ko sa Pilipinas, konti na lang ang nakita ko.

Selfish na kung selfish pero tinitiis kong kumain ng pakonti konti noong maliliit na isda para lang hindi ako maubusan bago dumating ang susunod na padala. Kung may pahintulot ko o may pagpapaalam man lang, mapagbibigyan ko naman.

Feeling ko lang nanakawan ako.

Oo, pathetic. Pero ayoko talagang ginagalaw ang mga gamit ko.

Because I'm a geek

2008-05-19T20:51:00.000+08:00

I fixed my Palm TX. Yey! And added new apps.
------

Looking forward to Saturday's climb (Mt. Pinatubo). I'm hoping I would not be the last man on this climb. :) It's also special since I'm going to climb with friends.

When I started climbing (not included the family climb waaaaaay back when I was a child), I always thought I would be on my own. No one really wanted to climb mountains with me. Even my sister didn't want to climb (she changed her mind at the very last minute).

Now, I have mountain climbing friends. The ones I got to spend time with on the mountains along with my friends who also likes to climb.

I wish the weather would cooperate. :)
--------

My family and I will go to Bicol for five days after my Mt. Pinatubo climb. This means two things. One, Yey for me and my family. Two, I won't be able to schedule any more gimiks after May 31. :( This means no more beach plans. :( I'm sorry (Aizza, Nelson, Monica, Karen, Lawrence, Claire). Maybe we could go to Tagaytay or Eastwood or somewhere.

Our dreams will never die

2008-05-14T21:57:00.000+08:00

6am ako nakarating sa bahay. Ilang oras lang ang aking tulog bago kailangang gumising para makita muli si Lawrence. Napanaginipan ko na kung paano ko siya sasalubungin. Yun bang yung may pagtakbo tapos paghug at paghalik ng maraming beses.

Ganun ko siya namiss. Kala mo isang taon akong nawala.

Kaso hindi yun ang nangyari. Rated PG ang aming pagkita. Lalo na't nandun yung anak ng asawa ng tito ko. Pero tuwang tuwa pa rin ako na nagkita kami muli.

Binigyan niya ako ng isang surprise: DVD ng Land Before Time I-XI. Hanggang Land Before Time 4 lang ang napanood ko noong bata ako.

Kung nabasa niyo ang 10 random things meme ko, malalaman niyong mahilig akong bisitahin ang panahon noong bata ako dahil marami na akong nakalimutan. Ang Land Before Time ang pinakapaborito kong movie noong bata ako. Sa sobrang paborito ko, mayroon kaming mga puppets ng characters na binili for keepsake. (Binigay ito ng Tatay ko sa pinakabata kong pinsan, isang bagay na hindi ko ikinatuwa noong bata ako... pero magiging mahabang istorya na naman yun kung isasama ko pa dito.)

Nalaman kong mahigit isang buwan na dinownload ni Lawrence ang pelikula para lang maibigay niya ito sa akin. Natutuwa akong gusto niya maging parte ng kabataan days ko.

Mushy.

I heart Law.

Mula sa isolation

2008-05-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

Meron akong tula tungkol sa knowing your country by going to other places kaso nakalimutan ko kung sino nagsulat at kailangan ko munang balikan yung geog1 notes ko para makuha yun.

Masayang magbakasyon at pumunta sa iba't ibang lugar. Hindi masaya kapag hindi nasusunod ang gusto mo, pero ganun naman talaga ang buhay hindi palaging sumasang-ayon sa gusto ng tao.

Babalik ako sa Thailand at Laos kapag nagkaroon na ako ng pera. Hindi ako gigipitin sa oras kasi hawak ko na ang oras ko by that time. Bibisitahin ko lahat ng Wat na gusto ko.

Pupunta rin akong Cambodia kung sakali. Lalo na sa Malaysia. :) Sana talaga maging mayaman ako para magawa ko ito.

Pero sa buong katotohanan, babalik at babalik pa rin ako sa Pinas. Walang mas gaganda pa sa sarili kong tirahan. Wala ang mga Wat at kung anu-ano pang tourist attraction ng ibang bansa sa kagandahan ng mga bundok, beach at urban life ng Pinas.

Uuwi na ako bukas ng gabi. Darating kami ng Wednesday morning. Matagal ko ng gustong umuwi sa bahay. Marami na akong namimiss. Sa ngayon, homesick ako. Next post ko na yung mgaadventures na pinagdaanan ko.

Kasama ka sa namimiss ko.

Panandaliang Pamamaalam

2008-05-05T17:56:00.000+08:00

Bukas na ang alis.

Tinatamad pa rin ako. Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako nakaimpake. Malamang marami akong makakalimutan.

Ayoko umalis. Una, kasi nakakatamad. Pangalawa, kung hindi magiging masaya ang bakasyong ito posibleng magka-away away lang ang pamilya. Kulang kasi kaming lahat sa pasensya.

Pero sana maging successful. Gusto ko talagang magtravel kaya lulubusin ko ang karanasang ito.

Kanina pa ako nakanet. Kanina pa naghahanap ng Mapa para sa Palm TX. Wala rin palang kwenta ang Palm TX kung wala kang pera pambili ng mga software.

Perfection.

2008-05-03T08:27:00.000+08:00

I get jealous and envious most of the time. It's because everyone else's life seems perfect.

And I have a thing for perfection.

Someday soon, I will get exactly what I want and be contented. Maybe that's death. :) No this is not a suicidal blog entry or anything. People who knows me should know that I don't regard death as an unfortunate accident but a gift. :D

Anyways, another senseless ramblings brought to you by moi. :)

Resolution.

2008-04-30T16:29:00.000+08:00

Starting today, I will be quiet. I will shut up.

I'll probably write what I think but then you won't hear me say anything.

Counselor.

2008-04-30T14:46:00.000+08:00

Ever since I could remember, I was the type of girl who gets in the middle of fights to sort things out. I remember helping alot of my friends and ended up being hated by their enemies. And since kids have no guts to stand up for themselves (they hear rumors about hating one person then they hate him/her to be with the 'in' crowd), I usually ended up being the most hated person in class. Because I was "trying to fix things".

I gave that up after my first year in highschool. It was a really traumatic event. Went all the way up to the principal. In the end, they said sorry and we sang Christian songs and pretended that they like me.

College came and I was at it again. I thought I was being smart this time. I was trying to stop making the same mistakes I did when I was in grade school and highschoo. But life is a big circle of fun and games. What happenend before, happenend again. Only this time, I refuse to be bully-ed.

Today, I played being Ms. Counselor again. Not to my friends but to my family. I'm starting to think I should ask for a commission or something. Get paid for helping others.

Nah.

Hopefully, I stop obsessing in trying to fix things. I can be too perfectionist sometimes. I should just let go. Not everything need's fixing.

Realizations.

2008-04-28T10:11:00.000+08:00

After climbing Mt. Daguldol, I came to realize...

1. I really love mountain climbing. Even if we have to descend while it was dark and raining, I still enjoyed it. (Slippery mud. tsk.)

2. I too dependent on Lawrence. I'm mountain climbing. It was my thing. I did it before and I was totally independent. But with Lawrence around, all I did was nag. tsk. I really have to work on being independent with Lawrence. I got so used to him taking care of me that I don't know how to take care of myself when he's around.

3. I love the beach. I love the rain. I love water.

4. I love photography. It was a wrong move when I didn't use my Nikon D40. I thought it was going to be a disadvantage since it was heavy. But seeing ate Kitci take pictures, ah... tsk. I didn't even want to borrow her camera. I was too shy. Oh well.

5. I love my friends. Monica and Claire were with me on the climb. I love love love spending time with them. I hope more of my friends can come to open climbs with me. :P

6. I am not sweet. I can't be sweet like Lawrence. I don't like public displays of affection. I don't even want hugs from him when people are around.

7. I'm too paranoid about what others think. I should just clear my mind and stop thinking about what they think.

8. Next climb: Mt. Pinatubo. :)

Handwriting.

2008-04-25T17:30:00.000+08:00

Welcome Lorey De Guzman, here is your handwriting analysis.

Lorey is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.

Lorey will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Lorey an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Lorey is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Lorey is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Lorey doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Lorey will demand respect and will expect others to treat her with honor and dignity. Lorey believes in her ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. She has a lot of pride.

Lorey is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.

Lorey has a desire for attention. People around Lorey will notice this need. She may fulfill this need by a variety of ways depending on her own character.

Diplomacy is one of Lorey's best attributes. She has the ability to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Lorey can disagree without being disagreeable.

In reference to Lorey's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Lorey slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Lorey can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Lorey is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Lorey basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

Lorey has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Lorey exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although she may not intend to deceive or mislead, she blows things way out of proportion because that is the way she views them. She will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of her material world. Lorey allows many people into her life because she is accepting and trusting. She is sometimes called gullible by her friends. That only really means that she trusts too many people. Lorey has a vivid imagination.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Lorey has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. Lorey fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then Lorey has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I would be surprised if Lorey just comes into someone's home and helps herself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Lorey finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when she was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.

*pretty accurate.

I wish I listened to my yaya

2008-04-23T22:41:00.000+08:00

When I was a kid, my yaya would always make me take after-lunch naps. She says that I should sleep so that I could grow.

Mara Clara was usually on tv at that time of the day. I also had ADHD, so I couldn't really sleep. So usually I just pretend to sleep and then when my yaya is out of the room, I pretend to wake up.

I remember my mom telling me that in St. Paul, while my classmates where enjoying their nap time, I was lying on the floor just like everyone else but my eyes were wide open. I usually don't sleep.

I grew (did I?) up and went to highschool. I stayed late. I think I was in highschool when I started getting insomia. So, mornings are a drag for me and my sister. The only way you could get me going is by turning on the radio really loud and turning on the lights.

Up until now, I still sleep late. I usually don't like sleeping. I have too much energy to do things I really want to do. Right now, it's 2:25 am. My sister is also awake. Watching DVD in her room while I blog away.

But no, I didn't grow up. Literally. My height today is exactly my height when I was in grade 6. I know because I measure myself. From gradeschool to highschool, I was always in front of the line when teachers ask us to go to the gym or to the auditorium or wherever. I will always be remembered as the little girl.

Whenever I cut my hair short, I would look like a 12-year old. Movie theaters always ask for my ID to make sure I'm part of the 18 and above age group. In Enchanted Kingdom, there was a time I was denied access to the Flying Something because of my height.

But I never really hated my height. Yes, I wished to be a little taller. But I didn't despise being small. In fact when I was growing up, my being small never bothered me at all. I love that I can squeeze into crowds of people or worm my way out of a tight-spaced situation. I also love the fact that I don't have to do anything that involves reaching top shelves or looking afar.

But then I met this cute guy. He's tall. And I mean TALL. He's a 6-footer guy who, compared to me, can be called a giant. And he fell in love with dwarf-looking me. The catch is, I also fell in love with him.

I'm the kind of person who annoys people when they're annoyed. When I was young, when I was into fights, my tactic was to do the very thing that disgusts my enemy. If she hates me for talking loud, I will talk louder. If he hates me for being goofy, I will be goofier.

So now, I'm in a relationship where people we meet likes to stare and point fingers. Yes, everyone. Even my friends. No, I'm not mad. I just don't care.

If people think that we shouldn't be together since he's twice my height, the more I will cling to him. If people are disgust that I only get to hug him when we're in escalators, the more I will hug and kiss him in escalators.

I just don't care.

Bottomline is, I love him.

The only thing that hurts is that important people in our lives think the same way as the rest. They look at us in disgust thinking "He shouldn't be with her... or I shouldn't be with him". Maybe it hurts them that whenever we're together, people do stop and stare.

But to me, let them stop and stare!

We shouldn't be ashamed because we love each other and would want to be together.

I wish they could see that.

And I'm sorry but I am angry. And I mean really angry.

Because for the first time in my life, I hated being small.

She said why don't you just drop dead

2008-04-22T19:26:00.000+08:00

Hindi ko alam kung saan ko sisimulan ang post na ito. Ahahaha. Kasi magulo na naman utak ko. Siguro tamang simulan itong post sa pagsimula ng aking araw.

Umaga

Gumising ako ng maaga para hindi malate sa scheduled consultation ko sa aking thesis adviser. 3am ako natulog at gumising ako ng 10am. Nakakahiyang maging late. Sa ganitong sitwasyon hindi ko pwedeng sabihin na "I'm not late, everyone's just early" blah blah shit ko.

Moving on, noong nakonsulta ko ang aking thesis adviser, dun lang ako nagising na marami pa pala akong kailangang gawin para sa thesis. At dapat ko ng simulan yun ngayon. Or rather, bukas. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula. Gaya ng ginagawa ko sa post ko na ito. Siguro sa simula na lang ako magsisimula.

Tanghali

Nakita ko sina Aizza, Monica at Karen. Kumain kami sa Katag. Matagal-tagal na rin bago ako nakakain sa kantin ni sir Co. Masarap naman yung sinigang na kinain ko. Nakabonding ko si Monica, Karen at si Aizza (kaso ang aga niyang umalis). At sobrang saya ko naman dahil kahit papaano nakabonding ko silang muli (Naks. drama. pero seryoso).

Hapon

Pumunta ako sa bahay ng officemate ni Lawrence dahil mayroong bday celebration. Si Kuya Darwin at Kuya Anwar. :D Tapos nandun siya.

Una, gusto kong iclarify na si siya ay isang babae. Pangalawa, gaya ng sinabi ko kay Lawrence "I'm torn between jealousy and attraction". Pangatlo, sobrang ganda niya.

Well, una pa lang siya. Ang pangalawa ay yung big blow sa akin mula kay Lawrence. Mukhang walang sense yung pagbili ko ng mga dress. Di bale, ako na lang bahala kung saan ko susuotin yun.

Nabagsak ko rin pala yung phone ni Lawrence. Dalawang araw pa lang yung phone na yun. At sobrang pinaghirapan at mahal na mahal ni Lawrence yung phone na yun. It broke my heart. I can't believe I broke my boyfriend's phone! Hay.

This day is not my best day.

Tag! 10 random things.

2008-04-22T16:57:00.000+08:00

Because i was tagged
—————————————————————-

1. Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
2. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your answers.

—————————————————————-

1. Before peeing or doing anything else in the bathroom, I always pinch myself. When I was young, I tend to dream that I'm going to the bathroom only to wake up with my bed drenched with pee. Ever since then, I habitually pinch myself just to distinguish reality from fantasy.

2. I'm a very private and secretive person. People tell me that I'm friendly and is good with social activities. But in reality, there are only a few people who knows the real me. Secrets, flaws and all. :D

3. I'm still a virgin. My parents did a good brain washing technique. Although I am tempted, I can't continue. I also equate sex to pain (not the good kind of pain).

4. When I say something, you have to listen carefully and read between the lines. I tend to hide my true feelings through my words. I'm not a very good verbal communicator so I chose to be a writer. (I also analyze people through their words, which makes me paranoid.)

5. I love to sing. When I was a kid, I have a good voice. There was no radio in our car so everytime we go someplace I sing different songs to pass the time by. My mom says "Naka-long playing ka nga e." I also perform for my relatives and friends. I stop singing when I took voice lessons.

6. I flip out when I don't have my cellphone, laptop, palm and other techy stuff. But I love climbing mountains and staying in provinces. Big irony since usually, I don't have any place to charge my techy gadgets.

7. I love turtles. I love love love them. I will marry the man who will give me a chinese turtle or a tortoise. :D

8. I'm bisexual. I like boys and girls. But I haven't been in a girl-to-girl relationship.

9. I can't remember things from my childhood. That's why I'm always grateful for people who keeps telling me stories about my life as a kid. I don't know why I'm blocking out past memories. But someday I will try my best to retrieve them.

10. I usually don't care about how I dress or present myself. But I'm growing up and going out into the world that tends to care more on the looks of a person so I'm beginning to change my lifestyle. I will try my best to lose weight, dress nicely, wear make-up and charm people with good communications skills.

I Tag (in no particular order): Aizza, Nelson, Claire, Lawrence, Kumi, Monica, Dale, Samantha, Abu, KC

I can't cook.

2008-04-21T22:53:00.000+08:00

I tried frying chicken today.

I thought it was great. Apparently, the insides were not really cooked. So yeah, my sister (who is a great cook) didn't eat lunch. I ate 3 chickens before realizing that I didn't cook it right.

When I get a job and have money, I will take some time to enroll in cooking classes. Just the basic ones.

You see, my mom was not really a good cook. She didn't know how to cook until she was married. My dad, however, cooked his first meal when he was 6. My mom had to learn from my dad. Which is not bad since my dad really loves her and does not care if my mom can or can't cook.

But my dad's family is another matter.

I won't go into that tonight.

I want to share a memory. About how good my dad and my sister cooks. And how I envy them.

My sister creates soups. I remember thinking that we should open a restaurant specializing in soups. I could be the manager and my sister could be the head chef. She mixes ingredients and then poof they're delicious. It's like she doesn't even have to try.

My dad got into the phase where he cooked us a lot of gourmet meals. I was looking forward to going home every weekend just because of the meals. And the desserts! My dad made the best maja ever! And I mean, I could eat an entire tray if it wasn't frowned upon. :)

So yes, my dad and my sister can cook very well. My mom is getting better by the minute. She made pininyahang manok the other night. Tsk. I have to get three helpings. :D And I envy them.

Because up until now, all I can cook perfectly is Sinigang.

Help

2008-04-20T18:54:00.000+08:00

Birthday ni Lawrence sa Thursday. At mayroong plano na magdinner with his parents or to join his family to a Bulacan fiesta. For that, kailangan ko maging feminine at perfect na girl para sa kanilang anak. So yes, I need help. I bought two dresses. Which do you think I should wear for the dinner?

Dress #1: Green trench coat-like Dress #2: Short dress w/ pockets

So, ano mas ok? Pasensya kasi malabo pala yung mirror ko nung tinake ko yung pics.

Dahil hindi pa ako dalaga (Rant post)

2008-04-19T17:20:00.000+08:00

Ayoko nang pumunta sa Tutuban.

Hindi ko alam kung masyado lang akong over-reading o talagang hindi mo lang talaga ako gusto. Either that o talagang magaling ka lang sa pagpoke ng malaking stick sa aking shoulder.

Siya: "Bakit ka bumibili ng dress? Magdadalaga ka na?"
Ako: "A... bagong look lang po."

Siya: "Gabi na. Naghihintay si ---- mo."
Law: "Opo."

Noon...

Siya: "Naka-rubber shoes ka? Dapat nakatakong ka para maging matangkad ka."
Ako: "Ok..."

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko para maging ok ako para sayo... sa inyo actually. Hirap lang talaga ako.

Mahal na mahal ko pa naman anak niyo.

Yey! My own Multiply Skin

2008-04-18T13:31:00.000+08:00

Ehehehe. I finally made it. After days of frustration over my laptop (which was named Laura by me and Lawrence), I finally made my own skin. Of course I copied the codes and made adjustments. But in time, I will learn how to make those codes work for me. :P

Isang malaking achievement ito para sa isang batang walang magawa sa bahay na hindi pwedeng lumabas dahil may sakit. Ahahaha. Obviously, wala akong magawa. Isa pa, iniwan ako ng pamilya ko sa bahay. Lahat sila may gimik. Tsk.

Oh well. Bukas lalabas ako. Pupuntang Divi para bumili ng damit. :D Libre ni Sugardaddy Lawrence siyempre. :) Kung ano ang mabili ko sa Divi bukas, yun ang susuotin ko sa Birthday dinner ni Lawrence. Hopefully, hindi ako masyadong mabalaj ng parents niya. *crosses fingers*.

Hmm... mamaya na yung ibang isyus na gusto kong i-rant sa blog ko. Magpapakasaya muna ako na na-achieve ko itong paggawa ng skin. :D Yey!

Beke o Hindi

2008-04-17T17:28:00.000+08:00

Gumising akong masakit ang aking kaliwang panga. Humina rin ang aking pandinig sa kaliwang tenga at masakit ang aking lalamunan.

Boo.

Pakikipagbonding kay Claire

2008-04-16T19:50:00.000+08:00

Pumunta kaming Trinoma. Naubos ang oras kakahanap ng BPI atm. Kasi pareho kaming walang pera. Maraming kwento. Maraming katatawanan. Marami na naman akong makakalimutan.

Kaya dapat iblog. Ayon kay Kumi, kapag isinulat ko sa blog hindi ko makakalimutan. So ito ang gagawin ko.

Lilista ko na lang kasi yun yung paboritong gawin ni Claire.

1. Masayang masaya ako sa Mercury Drug. Buti na lang pumasok ka roon Claire. Reminder to self: bibili nung manicure kit at solvent para hindi na gumastos sa parlor.

2. Aktibista ako. Hindi lang halata. Kasi iba yung pagiging aktibista ko.

3. Mahal pala ang mga dress.

4. Ironic nga na gusto kong mahawakan ako sa leeg pero ayokong magpaakbay.

5. Masayang kumain sa Burger King kasi marami yung fries, malaki yung burger, kyut yung toy, may malaking tv at may wifi. Yun na magiging tambayan ko.

6. Mahilig kami ni Claire mag-analisa ng mga tao. Sa totoo lang kapag kasama ko siya, siya madalas magSURI ng tao. Pero pareho pala kami.

7. Sayang hindi tayo nakapunta ng Gateway.

8. Codes na lang kasi sensitibo: Five minutes, videocam, erase, gusto ko.

9. Road trip. kailangan lang natin ng may magle-lead.

10. Director ako, ikaw scriptwriter. hanap na tayo ng actors. :D

Failed.

2008-04-16T19:33:00.000+08:00

Ever since I could remember I wanted to play the drums.

There's an oppurtunity--training with the UP Pep Squad drummers. I consulted it with my mom and dad. They were ok with it at first. They encourage me and was happy that I was doing lots of things this summer.

But plans have changed. I can no longer train with the Pep Squad.

My family decided that since my sister and I are not going to have summer vacations, we take a little vacation on different places. If I'm going to miss trainings for several weeks, I wouldn't learn and I would be giving up my commitment.

:(

So, no UP Pep Squad Training for me. :(

Gusto ko magpa-sex change

2008-04-14T14:00:00.000+08:00

Warning: Magiging sexist ako mga susunod na talatang aking isusulat. Panandalian lamang ito. Wag sanang isipin na itinataksil ko ang aking pagkababae. Pero sa totoo lang, ok lang din kasi hindi naman ako feminist. Pwede siguro akong humanist, pero hindi ko sigurado. Masyado na lumalayo kaya itutuloy ko na ang aking blogpost.

Noong 2nd year highschool ako, sabi ko sa mga kaklase ko na gusto kong maging lalake. Matagal ko na naman gusto yun. Impluwensya siguro sa katotohanang ang gustong anak ng tatay ko ay lalake. Kasama pa nung mga makalumang pribilehiyo ng mga lalake gaya ng maagang pakikipagrelasyon, maagang pakikibarkada, pagpa-party hanggang umaga at iba pa. So nung 2nd year ako, sinabi ko na magpapa-sex change ako.

Sinabi ko yun sa lahat. Naalala ko pa nga na kung hindi man ako magpasex change, gusto ko sa aking kasal ako ang naka-tuxedo at ang asawa ko ang nakawedding gown. Hinding hindi ko makakalimutan yun kasi alam ko nasa chapel pa kami ng school ko nung sinabi ko yun.

Bata pa lang ako, malikot na ako. Wala akong "finesse". Hindi ako mahinhin. Hindi ko pinakikialaman kung nakabukaka ako sa pag-upo o kung magulo buhok ko o hindi. Sabi ko pa nga sa sarili ko, "kung talagang mahal ako ng magiging asawa ko, kahit na hindi ako maganda dapat magustuhan niya ako". Kaya wala akong pakialam kung gaano karami ang peklat ko o kung gaano na ako kaitim sa kakalaro sa labas ng aming bahay.

Isa pa, ang hirap kasing manirahan sa "girl world". Masyadong maraming cat fights, insecurities, secrets, betrayal, etc. Kapag nasa "boy world" basta hindi ka lang lampa ok ka na e. Maglalaro na lang ng basketball o di kaya DOTA. Hindi kasing hirap ng ginagawa ng mga babae.

Gustong gusto ko rin maging lalake kasi mas malapit ako sa mga lalake pagdating sa pakikipagkaibigan. Feeling ko kasi hindi sila plastik. In turn, mukha naman akong malandi sa "girl world". Kaya in the end, tinigil ko na rin yun.

Sa ngayon, kahit papaano nasasanay na ako sa "girl world". Gusto ko pa rin makipagpalit ng katawan kay Lawrence for one day--para lang malaman kung anong feeling maging lalake. Kung tama ba na mas madaling maging lalake kesa maging babae. Pero gusto ko na rin maging babae, may benefits naman. Hindi ko lang talaga siguro kaya yung mga cat fights. Hirap na rin kasi ako sa mga ganun.

Kaya kahit babae ako, magpapaka-lalake na lang ako. Basta hindi ka lang lampa, maglaro tayo ng basketball o DOTA. :D

Guilt trips

2008-04-13T16:49:00.000+08:00

Dahil hindi ako nagsa-summer, nagui-guilty ako. May doubts akong hindi tama ang desisyon ko.

Una, dahil hindi ako makakapag-ojt. Hindi ako makakaranas ng pagsusulat sa magazine o sa pahayagan. Isa pa, pagka-graduate ko wala akong mailalagay sa resume ko kundi freelance tutor ng mga koreyano.

Pangalawa, feeling ko wala akong ginagawa. Gusto kong gumawa ng tesis pero parang ayaw gumana ng isip ko. Pero dapat gumana. Kaya sa lunes, dapat mag-inquire ako kung paano ako makakapaglib ngayong summer. Oh well.

Lilipas din itong guilt trip ko. At sana pagkatapos kong mag-aral, makapasa ako sa UP Law o di kaya'y makahanap agad ng trabaho.

On Climbing Mt. Pulag

2008-04-13T09:26:00.000+08:00

Marami akong bagay na gustong sabihin mula sa aking pag-akyat ng bundok. Kaso masyadong mahaba kung hahayaan ko na lang na sabihin lahat ng gusto kong sabihin ng wala mang lang structure or outline. Kaya magna-number blogging na lang ako. yung format na gustung-gusto ni claire.

1. Kaya ko pa lang umakyat ng bundok.

Marami akong gustong gawin sa buhay. Pero dahil pessimist ako, hindi ko ginagawa ang mga yun. Isa pa, buong buhay ko alam kong hindi ako yung sporty na babae. Yung loner, secretive, nerdy na babae pwede pa pero yung sporty hindi. Ni hindi nga ako makasayaw dahil hindi talaga maganda ang coordination ng katawan ko.

2. Marami pa ring magagandang lugar sa Pilipinas.

Lately, naririnig kong nag-uusap ang parents ko. Aalis na raw kami sa Pilipinas. Kaya lang naman hindi kami umaalis dahil ayaw ko at ng tatay ko. Ngunit mukhang on-board na rin ang tatay ko sa pag-aalis ng Pilipinas. Ako na lang ang may ayaw. At dahil hindi naman ako ang nagdedesisyon sa bahay, malamang umalis nga kami. Pag nagkaroon ng pagkakataon. Naisip ko tuloy, andami ko pang hindi nakikitang lugar sa sarili kong bansa tapos aalis na kami? Para bang lilipat kami ng bahay kahit na hindi pa namin na gamit ang lahat ng kwarto ng bahay namin. Dahil posibleng umalis kami, dapat makita ko na ang Pilipinas.

3. May pagka-control freak ako.

Given na yata eto. Pero na-affrim na naman ito sa pag-akyat ko ng Mt. Pulag. Hindi ko talaga kayang mag-let go at mag-enjoy. Lagi ko na lang pinoproblema yung mga magiging problema kung sakaling magkaroon nga ng problema. Buti na lang hindi kami nag-away ng kapatid ko habang nagka-climb. Kundi malungkot ang bakasyon namin.

4. Isa akong pagong.

Slowly but surely, naakyat namin ang Mt. Pulag. Hindi kami yung mga mabilis o magaling umakyat. Kami yung last man kumbaga. Pero natutuwa pa rin ako dahil kahit na mabagal kami ng kapatid ko, nakaya namin ang Mt. Pulag. At nakita at naranasan namin ang dapat maranasan. Madalas ngang ako yung pagong. Mabagal akong makakuha ng steps, mabagal akong kumain, mabagal akong gumalaw. Pero sinisiguro ko na kapag ako na ang gumalaw, matutupad at matatapos ko iyon.

5. Hindi ako mahilig sa sunrise, pero nagustuhan ko yung sa Mt. Pulag.

Alam ng mga taong malapit sa akin na hindi ako morning person. Hindi ko talaga kayang gumising ng maaga. Madalas akong gising sa gabi. May pagka-insomniac kasi ako. Pero kinaya kong gumising ng 3:00am kahit na pagod na pagod ako sa paglalakad pa-akyat ng bundok. Para lang makita ang sunrise. At oo, nain-love ako sa sunrise na yun. Sa unang pagkakataon, ni hindi ko maikumapara yung pinakamagandang sunset na nakita ko sa sunrise ng Mt. Pulag.

Marami pa akong mga pics kaso nagkaproblema ako sa lighting. Pero nirerekomenda ko na makita niyo itong sunrise na ito. Punta kayo ng Mt. Pulag.

At kapag pupunta na kayo, sasama ako. :)

To summer class or not to summer class?

2008-03-31T21:34:00.000+08:00

That is the question.

I've been thinking about it lately. I only have 4 subjects left until I graduate. I can finish the 2 subjects this summer and then the 2 subjects next sem. But I'm thinking that this summer vacation will be the last summer vacation.

Once I graduate and get a job (assuming I could find one quickly), there won't be anymore summer vacations. I could take leave of absences but those need to be approved by my boss. And for once, I want to really enjoy my summer vacation.

Usually, summer vacation to me is just bumming around the house. But this summer, I want to climb mountains. I'm taking the first step by climbing Mt. Pulag this coming April4-6.

If I can't climb mountains, maybe I can go on roadtrips. I really love taking the bus, so I don't have to worry about gas prices and borrowing the car or something. Maybe I could get to visit exciting places in Luzon.

Or maybe I could actually start and finish my scrapbook. My dad (who really admires me for being a writer) gave me a blank notebook for my 16th bday. He made it all by himself by cutting a leather jacket using it as a cover and bound some papers. I really loved that gift. And I promise to write my life in those pages. I just never got around to doing it since I really think it's precious. When I think something is precious I don't want to touch it. It's like I don't want to mess it up by using it. So, maybe I could get the courage to use it this summer.

I could also concentrate on my health. I should try to get more fit and healthy. I should also read all of my stand-by books (books I bought but never got around to reading) or concentrate on improving my photography or guitar skills.

Or I could learn Photoshop and Video-editing because I really really really want to learn ever since highschool.

But having my summer vacation means responsibilities. I have to make sure that even if I'm going to have my vacation, I have to start on my thesis. I have to make sure that I get all research done by the end of June since I'm going to take 3 more classes next sem.

I really want to enjoy my summer. Maybe I should stay home and forget about my academic adventures for once. I have so much stuff to do with so little time.

It's my last summer vacation, I should enjoy it right?

Overnight Fantasy

2008-03-30T18:21:00.000+08:00

Instead of revising my proposal, I rewarded myself some fun after going through a tough time this sem. :D I was invited to an overnight swimming gig with Lawrence and his college friends.

The most shocking bit was that my Dad and my Mom actually let me. :)

I didn't go swimming since I have a thing for clean water and stuff. I'm beginning to freak out of dirt and germs and bacterias. I'm even freaking myself out.

But then I got to sleep beside Lawrence, which was all worth it. :P

I really can't sleep with someone sleeping beside me. I also can't sleep when there are people coming in and out of the room, talking and turning the lights on and off. I also can't sleep when somebody's hugging me.

Basically, I didn't really get some sleep. I was just sooo happy to watch Lawrence sleep. He's too innocent. :D

Now, I have to get back to the real world. I need to finish revising my proposal. And officially start my summer vacation.

Galing sa blog ni dale

2008-03-27T21:51:00.000+08:00

Can you answer 50 questions about the 1st person that comes into your mind right now?

Don’t change the person.

Does he or she have a
boyfriend/girlfriend??
- yes.

How old is the person?
- 21. turning 22 next month. :D

Has he/she ever cooked for you?
- yes. the first meal he cooked for me was sinigang.

Is this person older than you?
- yes.

Have you ever kissed this person?
- yes.

Are you really close to him/her?'
- yes. he knows everything about me. even the secrets i don't tell him.

How many times do you talk to this person in a week?
- everyday.

Do you think he/she will repost this?
- no.

Could you live with this person?
- i wish we can. but soon... hopefully.

Why did you choose this person?
- because i constantly think about him. he's the most important person in my life right now.

How long have you known this person??
- known? hmmm... 3 years, 5 mos., 26 days.

Have you ever been to the mall with this person?
- yes.

Have you ever had a sleepover with this person?
- uhm. i'm not allowed to say. ahahaha.

If you ever moved away would you miss this person?
- most definetely.

Have you ever done something really stupid or illegal with this person?
- illegal? well... illegal on my standards, not really the society's.

Do you know everything about this person?
- i can say yes. :D

Would you date this person’s siblings?
- he has none.

Have you ever made something with this person?
- yes. we made memories (which i've forgotten... well, most of them), food (sinigang), projects and other blah blah blah.

Have you ever worn this person’s clothes?
- yes. his shirts. i have some here. :D

Have you and your person made up a hand shake?
- no. :( we should!

If it was “freaky friday” would you switch bodies with this person?
- yes. DEFINITELY!!

Have you ever heard this person sing?
- yes.

Do you and this person have a saying?
- hmmm... i'll get back to you on that one.

Do you know this persons friendster password?
- yes.

Have you and this person ever gotten into a fight or argument?
- yes. but only one of us will be mad while the other is calm.

Have you and this person gone clubbing?
- yes. well, we quit after a few minutes of staying.

Do you know how to make this person feel happy?
- i think so. i should.

Do you and this person talk a lot?
- yes.

Do you like this person?
- likey likey.

Have you and this person got into a fight?
- ...

Do you want to go out with this person??
- i'm going out with him tomorrow.

Do you want to be friends with him/her forever?
- yes.

Today is Bad Luck Day

2008-03-27T11:34:00.000+08:00

As the title states.

Tomorrow, I'm going to submit my last finals requirement. But then I have to get my proposal and see if it needs revision. If it does, maybe on Monday I'll officially start my summer.

I'm getting tired.

Isang multimedia presentation na lang

2008-03-25T17:52:00.000+08:00

at matatapos na ang aking 2nd sem!

hindi na ako makapaghintay sa aking mt. climbing adventure. :P Sana makaya ko ang mt. Pulag. Sana rin hindi na macancel yun gaya ng mt. pinatubo.

At bago pa ang aking mt. pulag adventure, makakapagovernight pa kaming sikap people sa Boso-boso Highlands. Ehehehe. Sana maging masaya ang aming overnight. Lalo na't last na naming overnight ito--> mga gra-gradweyt sa oktubre. :D

Lahat ng mga kaibigan ko, may trabaho na. Actually, grad pa lang yung iba. Pero may trabaho na rin yung iba. At very inggit lang ako kasi may trabaho na sila. At nakakatakot rin... lalo na't wala pa akong naibibigay na resume para sa aking OJT. Sana matanggap ako. Kahit saan pero mas ok sa magandang place. :)

Wish me luck.

Bubba Gump date

2008-03-22T20:52:00.000+08:00

Finally, I got to eat at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. resto. :)

I especially want to check it out since it's the restaurant that Forrest Gump build with Lt. Dan with Bubba's inspiration. We learned that the producers where the ones who made it into a real business.

Anyways, we spent our Black Saturday night in Trinoma. We got to shop (sale kasi) for necessities. :D Because my dad is really excited that I will be climbing mountains soon, he got me new stuff. He bought me gears that I need. I'm sooo excited.

Problem is... the Mt. Pinatubo climb is cancelled. Nobody wanted to enroll so all I could do is wait for the next one--the Mt. Pulag climb. I'm crossing my fingers that it wouldn't be cancelled or anything. :D Because I really really really want to climb mountains.

After our Trinoma date, we went to Metrowalk to buy some DVDs. We no longer watch movies in the cinemas. Unless if it's a Filipino movie. Because the pirated Filipino movies usually suck. So we opt to watch it in cinemas or wait for it on TV.

I got heroes season2. well, the first one I got wasn't really complete. I want PUSHING DAISIES. I hope ETC or 2nd Avenue or Jack TV get Pushing Daisies. So that I can wait for it on TV. :D

I think my family's ok now. Tomorrow, we have a family reunion thing. But I'm not going. I have to do one paper work for school. And I have no more time to waste. :D

Minsan ako'y nabingi

2008-03-18T19:57:00.000+08:00

Mayroon kang sinabi sa akin
kaso hindi ko narinig
pinaulit ko
pero wala talaga

tsaka ko naisip
bingi nga ba ako?
o sadyang ayaw ko lang marinig ang ngalan niya?

yak. korni.

pffft.
para kay. hmmm... kanino nga ba ito?

She's ALIVE!!

2008-03-13T14:49:00.000+08:00

My baby (laptop) is healed! :D

After Lawrence and I attempted to switch her OS to Windows XP, she died. And I mean really died. :( I couldn't use her for days.

Yes, this is pathetic. I'm in love with a gadget. But I have depended my life on her. She was an addiction. :( I guess if Die Hard 4.0 happen, I'd be one of the geeks who would be screaming and bitching just because I couldn't get any internet connection or something to that effect.

Oh, I remember. I was a total bitch when the big storm hit Manila. I think it was Milenyo. Five days of no electricity in our house. I was screaming and bitching because I didn't have any full-charge cellphone batteries. I distinctly remember my family wanting to kill me back then.

Hmmm. I should go back to the basics, to the wild. :D

Anyways, there's an open climb for Mt. Pinatubo this coming March 29-30. Who wants to come with me? Please come with me... :) it's going to be fun! I can share tents and stuff. :D And another one in Mt. Pulag this coming April 4-6. Please message me if you want to come so that we can plan :D

Check out bomikaoutdoors.multiply.com for more info. :D let's climb!!

30 hours academic adventure

2008-03-07T01:21:00.000+08:00

academic adventures

2008-03-02T12:29:00.000+08:00

Mga kinakailangan gawin para sa nalalabing 2 linggo. :D

AP199
-critic on Jeni's proposal (march7)
-revised proposal

Physics10
-3rd exam
-finals exam

PanPil181
-film appreciation paper on 'House of the Spirits' (march4)
-My favorite Poet paper
-'One Day in A Life' finals paper

PI100
-finals paper
-quizzes

J123
-final plates (multimedia presentation)

J152
-Press conference (march6)

konting tiis na lang....

Breakdown nth time

2008-03-01T11:42:00.000+08:00

I broke down again.

I'm beginning to worry since I have been breaking down a lot of times this year. Mostly involving my family. And there are small triggers.

So yeah.

My sister moved in my room just last Thursday. That's when I realize offering her a share in my room is a mistake. I'm a very controlling person. And she likes to defy that. So, in the end I asked her to move out.

But she didn't want to.

I was going to take a nap. She was on my bed. I don't sharing bed space. I have a personal space thing. So there. I went off. She then said she's sleeping on the floor. Which she did. Which made me feel guilty and then talked to her about moving out again.

She didn't want to. I went to my parents' bedroom to take a nap and eventually told my mom that I want Gray to move out of my room. She said no. Gray walked in. She said I was a coward for not fighting my own fights. I lost it.

I cried and I screamed. They laugh. I suggested me moving in on an apartment on my own. My mom joked that I move in with her friend (a psychologist). I screamed and screamed and screamed. I think I even threaten to strangle my sister. And I went to my room, got all her pillows and her dog. Threw everything on the bed. My mom suddenly realizing I was not kidding, stopped laughing and started getting angry.

I continued to move her out.

And after, I cried.

Because they think I'm crazy. And it's sad and hurtful when your family thinks you're crazy.

I know I shouldn't have lost it. But I'm sick. I didn't get much sleep last night. I have lots of things to do. And I need space. Plus, they laughed.

My mom and I had a talk recently on how they don't really know me. They don't know what I like because I don't tell them.

Which is sad because my parents don't know me. Hell, my boyfriend knows me more than they do. And my mom reasoned it was because I talk and share lots of my time with Lawrence. But in my head, no. Lawrence knows more about me because he listens. And I mean really listens.

And I have proven that theory. I tried talking to my mom. Telling her what I want. She then ignores me and just went about her business.

My resolution... maybe I should just mimic Clara from House of the Spirits. I should do that. Not speak to anyone anymore. Could I do that? Nah. Maybe I should just stop speaking to my family. They don't understand me anyway.

I'll be waiting for my mom and dad to talk to me and announcing that they're asking for psychiatric help. Maybe I need therapy.

It's just sad.

Sick on a Thursday

2008-02-28T10:48:00.000+08:00

I had a few coughs yesterday but I didn't think it would turn into a sore throat or something. I think stress started manipulating my brain or my body and it responded with a sickness.

When I woke up at 6am, I was really feeling bad. My throat was scratchy, the room was cold and I can't get up from bed. I had to text my groupmates that I wouldn't be able to attend our class. I should apologize once more since we were suppose to meet for our upcoming press con next Thursday. (Really sorry guys)

My mom thought I wasn't able to wake up so she decided to wake me up. I said I was sick. She got my temperature... and voila! I'm not lying. Ahahaha. Oh well.

She came back after a while carrying breakfast along with my dad. He felt my neck and head and realized I was really sick. They woke me up for me to eat and drink medicines. That's sweet.

After eating I was able to get back to sleep. I woke up around 3pm. I need to wake up. I have 2 papers due tomorrow. I have to do them. And I have to go to class even if I'm not yet feeling well. I have 2 papers!! Haaay. I love Ma'am Jane and Sir Jun.

So, on with my papers. I'm still coughing, I still feel hot and I'm tired. I miss gradeschool.

tinaya ako ni aizza. tinataya ko si claire, law, eula, vianka, joan, abu, kasuy, edelene, kc alintanahin, aj. :D

2008-02-27T13:03:00.000+08:00

The rules are easy, just post 10 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 10 people and force them to post this note on their blogs.

1. my soon-to-be husband loves me very much.

2. my family is still intact. and healthy if i might add.

3. i don't need to submit anything tomorrow.

4. Kimya Dawson, Juno and You Tube videos.

5. i slept at 9pm last night. woke up 5:30 in the morning. it's a first.

6. i got to go to fully booked, bonifacio high street.

7. vanilla frappe, fit and right drinks, dvds, skirts, shorts and COLORED PENS from my dad.

8. my family's bonding moment last monday night.

9. i met lawrence's friends (from work) yesterday.

10. i'm going to see sugarfree with lawrence on friday. :D

i love the Juno soundtrack

2008-02-22T21:11:00.000+08:00

Loose Lips
-Kimya Dawson

loose lips might sink ships but loose gooses take trips
to san francisco, double dutch disco,
tech tv hottie, do it for scotty
do it for the living and do it for the dead
do it for the monsters under your bed
do it for the teenagers and do it for your mom
broken hearts hurt but they make us strong and

we won't stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we'll start again and just pretend that
nothing ever happened

we won't stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we'll start again and just pretend that
nothing ever happened

we're just dancing, we're just hugging,
singing, screaming, kissing, tugging
on the sleeve of how it used to be
how's it gonna be?
i'll drop kick russell stover, move into the starting over house
and know matt rouse and jest are watching me achieve my dreams
and we'll pray, all damn day, every day,
that all this shit our president has got us in will go away
while we strive to figure out a way we can survive
these trying times without losing our minds

so if you wanna burn yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
and if you wanna cut yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
and if you wanna kill yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead
send me an IM, i'll be your friend

shysters live from scheme to scheme and my 4th quarter pipe dreams
are seeming more and more worth fighting for
so i'll curate some situations, make my job a big vacation
and i'll say FUCK BUSH AND FUCK THIS WAR (sana may Phils. version)
my war paint is sharpie ink and i'll show you how much my shit stinks
and ask you what you think because your thoughts and words are powerful
they think we're disposable, well both my thumbs opposable
are spelled out on a double word and triple letter score

we won't stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we'll start again and just pretend that
nothing ever happened

we won't stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we'll start again and just pretend that
nothing ever happened

we're just dancing, we're just hugging,
singing, screaming, kissing, tugging
on the sleeve of how it used to be

Hindi lang puro crush ang sinusulat ko.

2008-02-22T19:18:00.000+08:00

1. Pumunta si Lozada sa UP. Hindi ko siya nakita. Hindi rin ako sumama sa rally. Ibig sabihin ba nun apolitical o apathetic na ako?

2. Tinatanong ni Sir Jun kung nasaan daw ang UP sa isyu ng NBN Deal. May ginagawa na raw ang La Salle at Ateneo ang UP raw nasaan. Gusto ko sanang sagutin na "Sir, nandyan pa rin. Mula noon hanggang ngayon ipinaglalaban pa rin yung isyu. Mas highlight lang yung mga bagong schools kasi ngayon lang sila lumalaban. Kaya mas maraming focus sa kanila."

3. Pauwi, niligaw kami ng taxi driver. Feeling ko dahil yun sa hindi kami sumali sa rally. Ahahaha.

4. Sabi ko kay Lawrence, "Paano kung officially mag martial law?" Sagot niya wag daw akong mag-isip ng masama. Sabi ko, "Martial law naman na e. Wala lang curfew."

5. Mayroon pa rin pa lang mga tao na hindi naniniwala na malaki ang sira ng Pilipinas. Kasi mayroon pang hindi naniniwala kay Lozada. Kailan kaya matatapos ang skepticism ng mga Filipino?

You know I'm such a fool for you

2008-02-20T17:40:00.000+08:00

I'm spoiled.

Not by my parents. They never spoiled me. They couldn't afford to since I have a younger sister.

I'm spoiled by Lawrence.

He's someone who can give me anything I want and I need. And I'm seriously scared. He made himself a necessity in my life. I would definetely be damaged when he decides to leave.

We broke up around August 2007. Though most of my friends don't think we were broken up. Anyways, we broke up and still I couldn't keep him out of my life. I couldn't say no when he asks to visit or to talk.

Claire said this is a good thing. She says he loves me. Everyone we know says that he loves me.

Love is such a scary scary thing.

I'm scared because I don't want this to ever end. I want him to be my last. And the more scary fact is that I'm his first. There could be a second, a third or even a fourth.

I want to be the last.

Through the keyholes I watched you dress

2008-02-16T03:39:00.000+08:00

Salamat Claire.

Dahil sa mahabang usapan. Matagal na akong walang ganun. Natutuwa naman ako na mayroon pa pala akong pwedeng makausap tungkol sa iba't ibang bagay.

Natatakot ako dahil kilala mo na ako. Paranoid. Na baka awayin mo na ako. Lalo na't may armas ka na against sakin. Pero as usual. Paranoia lang yun.

Sayang hindi kayo makakasama. Sana nakasama kayo. Oh well....papel. Ehehehe.

Muli, salamat.

At Claire, palagi kang nag-eexist sa akin.

Your hands are mine to hold.

2008-02-14T19:03:00.000+08:00

I never liked Valentine's Day.

But this year, I came to like it a little bit.

Since I could remember, I love imagining things. I like thinking about what would happen when a certain situation comes up. This eventually led to my frustrations. I tend to expect imagines things/situations.

When I was little, I said to myself "if I had a boyfriend, he will do this...". Thus my fantasizing began.

None of my fantasies ever happened.

Until now.

I had a very important presentation for my Public Relations class. I dressed up really nice. I had the boots, the slacks and the polo. Yes, I wore boots and polo. Moving on, I was suppose to meet Lawrence for a quick moment when he gets off from work at 8:00am. Unfortunately, he got held up in a call and I had to get to class. He apologized and said he'd make it up somehow and then he went home.

I got sad and of course I got the nerves (for the presentation). At the back of my mind, I had a fantasy. That when I walk out of our classroom door, I would see him holding a rose or a chocolate or just spreading his arms out for a hug.

After class, our presentation went well. We were (from what I could gather) the best group from all that presented today. And I was still hoping he'd be there outside.

Our group was the last one to leave the room. And when I opened the door, he wasn't at the other side.

I looked sideways to get to the exit and their he was. Patiently and sleepily waiting for me.

For once, a fantasy came true.

Your hands are mine to hold.

2008-02-14T18:40:00.000+08:00

Man is never satisfied.

2008-02-12T17:59:00.000+08:00

I am restless again.

Please come and save me.

"Inert Mass! Masang Inert ano...", Sir Bomen (PI100)

2008-02-11T06:55:00.000+08:00

Ayon nga kay ingrid Michaelson, "I want to change the world...instead I sleep".

Akalain mong isang insomniac ay tulog na lang ng tulog. I feel so tired. Like I failed or something.

I got an invitation to climb Mt. Malarayat last Saturday with my Muma. I wanted to go. I really have a passion for mountain climbing and camping. But I remembered all my deadlines for this week's academic adventures. I had to say 'no'.

I was already starting to pack up my things. My dad ws so excited since he gets to pass on his earthly treasures (climbing gear) to me. When I said I can't go, he was a little sad.

I wish to climb a mountain. If you know any groups who would be climbing around late March, I would gladly come. :D

Hmmm... I should stop sleeping. Tomorrow, I'll try to check Power Up in Tandang Sora. I need to hone my wall climbing skills. And maybe I can learn where in Pasig the new Power Up gym is. I need to get out. I need exercise. I need to want to live.

Tama na nga. Ehehehe. Back to my academic adventures. >.<

Meet Salt

2008-02-10T16:05:00.000+08:00

Meet SALT. :D Bago kong pusa. ehehehe. Nakita ko siya sa daan. Muntik na siyang masagasaan ng kotse. Iyak siya ng iyak kahapon. Hinahanap niya yung mommy niya. Kaso hindi namin mahanap, kaya kinuha ko na lang. :D

Gusto ko pa naman ng black cats. =P Dapat Irony pangalan niya. O di kaya Karma. Kaso ayaw ng kapatid ko. So, Salt na lang. Kasi may aso kaming Pepper.

Kaya Salt and Pepper. Ahahaha. Babaw. Korni rin no? Pero super saya ko na may pusa ulit kami. Mababait pusa e. Tsaka malambing. Kaso ibang usapan na yung amoy ng kanilang dumi. Hopefully, matrain agad si Salt para hindi na magkaroon ng ganung problema. :D

Parlor Date

2008-02-07T15:16:00.000+08:00

Bagong hairspa!! :D

Natuloy na rin finally ang aming parlor date ni Law. :) Siya nagpakalbo lang. Withing 10mins, tapos na siya. Ako, 2hrs inabot. Sobra naman yun. Ehehehe. :)

Pero at least maayos na naman uli buhok ko. Yey!! Buti na lang naaasikaso ko na sarili ko. Kahit papaano. :P

Kung Hei Fat Choi

2008-02-07T07:56:00.000+08:00

General

There are more obstacles for those who are born in the year of the Rabbit compared to last year. More restrictions and sudden challenges will impede progress of your desires. Your concentration is weaker and your attention span is shorter than usual. Hence, there is a strong tendency to overlook details or being forgetful. This year, it is important for you not to make impulsive decisions and if a decision is required, try to give it more time to think it through or request someone who you can trust to go through the details with you. The good part of this year is that your popularity is running high. It is a good time to build rapport, to meet new people, to meet people who could help you and to socialize and to be in a team. This year the people who could help you are females. While you are the star of the town, there are some green eyes casting their unfriendly glances at you. Remember not to make yourself an easy target for betrayal. There is a high chance of being involved in legal disputes.

Career

There are more sudden challenges that are expected to jump at you this year. Hence, always make contingency plans. You will function better in a team. If you could arrange the resources such that your teammates handle the technical or operational parts of the job while you handle the marketing and public relations side of it, your success rate will be higher. There will be more office politics this year. Be prepared to protect yourself well against it. Avoid gossip corners. Avoid flaunting your success or your popularity. There may be legal disputes due to envious people.

Wealth

Be extra careful when it comes to investments this year. This is mainly due to a lack of concentration and a shorter attention span. Either sleep on the idea for some time before making a decision or request someone that you could trust to go through the fine print of the contract before signing on the dotted line.

Relationship

This is a very good year in terms of relationships. Those who are attached will have a high chance of getting married this year. There is a strong chance that singles will meet the love of their lives. For those who are married, the passion in their relationship will be burning bright.

Health

There is a high chance of falling ill and being accident-prone. Have adequate rest to ensure that you are always alert. This is especially so for those who drive.

People

There are many back-stabbings and betrayals this year. Avoid sharing too much information with people who may have a conflict of interest with you. The irony is that due to your strong popularity this year, there are some people who will not like you to be so likeable and decide to make life tougher for you than it should. Protect yourself by not flaunting your popularity and keeping a low profile. There are signs of being involved in legal disputes this year.

Fever

2008-01-30T19:39:00.000+08:00

Lately I find myself sleeping all the time. I usually hate sleep. I'm an insomniac.

My mind hurts alot lately. And sleep is the only remedy.

I'm thinking that my brain can no longer accomodate too much of my thoughts. All I want is to sleep.

---------------------------

A friend texted me today. She asked "What is your purpose in Life?"

I sooo wanted to reply. But I was lazy. Anyways, my answer would've been "To survive it."